I really don't mean to be ungrateful but...

...an external hard drive to back up the overflow on our computer?!?! That's what he went to Fry's for? I mean...it is a practical thought, but I was a little excited about the setup. I guess when you get a good tease, you're just expecting more. I had visions of laptops, netbooks, blackberry's, Ipods, and digital cameras dancing in my head. A slim black box with a 360 GB capacity just didn't do it for me. Too much anticipation. And...P.S....he DID get me a digital photo keyring too!

Surprise? Or, Suprise!

Brant left the house to get me my "other" Christmas present. He said it wasn't going on sale until after Christmas. He's going to Fry's...now I can't wait. I really wanted a Netbook...or maybe it's a new camera. I hope he's not getting me a digital keyring or something now that's he gotten my hopes up.

Lane went to nursery

Today was Lane's first day in nursery--and ironically, the twins' last day. He's been old enough to go, but because we have 11 o'clock church it's usually nap time and he ends up going to sleep. I asked him today if he wanted to go "night-night" or go to class. He said he wanted to go to class. Fortunately, with him if he's awake and something is going on, he'll usually keep on going. He was so excited. He has this, "I'm with the big kids today" kind of attitude. He just followed the twins in and didn't blink an eye. When I picked him up, he strutted to the door and snatched a colored paper off of the door. (They always tape the kids' drawings on the door.) I'm sure he had watched other kids do it.

I can't believe Porter and Madison are going to be old enough to start in Primary. I can't believe how proud I am that my kids are going to be Sunbeams. I remember teaching Sunbeams and how little I thought they were. I feel as proud as if they were graduating from high school. I know, I'm overproud, but what can I say--I'm a Mom. I've been telling them for a couple of weeks that they'll be going to the "Big" Primary very soon. I told Madison today again. I said, "You get to be a Sunbeam next week." She usually breaks out her off-key rendition of "Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam." I explained that now she was getting older and this meant going to Primary. She said, "Is my belly going to get big, Mom?"

I said, "No, why?"

She said, "Because I'm getting older."

I said, "No. That's doesn't happen until you get really old." Silly girl.

Today, after Sacrament meeting the lady behind us leaned forward and said, "I just have to tell you your kids are so sweet and so adorable. I can't believe how well-behaved they are. And you...," she looked at Brant, "...are an amazing Father. You're wonderful with your children. Really, you two are great parents." I was actually surprised. I think we were out at least twice with the kids--a dirty diaper, and someone had to pee. But, I could have been happier than if I won a Grammy. I had tears in my eyes, even though Brant got most of the credit.

What keys are you holding?

I cannot express in words the elation I have felt this past week as I received the keys to our new house. We have been living with family for almost 4 years now. It's been crazy trying to have our three kids in someone else's home. I am so thankful for all of the help we have had and for the fact that I have amazing in-laws who are so generous. We could not have had a better experience considering the circumstances.

However, I am so excited to be getting into our own home. Brant came over this weekend to go to my work Christmas party. I did not tell him that everything had come together and I signed the rental agreement. I wanted to surprise him. Of course, I'm an idiot and horrible as surprises so I totally screwed it up. I planned to take him there blindfolded after our Christmas party. Right before we left from my work to get ready, I thought I was sending a text to my sister, Kim.

I text, "We're coming over to your house to get ready for the party. Don't say anything about the house, cuz Brant doesn't know we got it."

I got a text back...from Brant, "LOL. So we got a house?"

I know, I know...how can I be SO smart and yet so incredibly dumb at the same time. If I had a quarter every time someone said that to me...

Anyway, today I noticed that I have a key chain with keys on it now. I hadn't realized that those keys mean something. I haven't had keys for a long time. I have a house key; I have a mail key; and I have a car key. That's all. The car isn't mine, but I still have that key. And, it doesn't represent ownership, it represents that I have family who care enough about me to let me use their vehicle. No strings attached. That key means alot. I realized how symbolic keys are in our lives. I bet if you look at your key ring right now, it will tell you alot more about the things you have than you realize. It means home, what kind of car you drive, and maybe even where you work. I never thought I'd be grateful for keys. Brant has one key I'll never get back...it's the one to my heart. (Okay, that was for all of the cheese balls. I had to throw it in there.)

Love One Another

I read a familiar scripture today. It said, "By this shall all men know you that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." John 13:35 I've heard this a hundred times, but it really struck me today. I claim to be a Christian, to follow Christ, but I have to ask myself if I truly do love people. Especially, the people that I come into contact with. That would mean the people at Walmart; the people driving on the road; the people I work with; and the people in my life. That would also mean the people that don't necessarily treat me the way I should be treated. It means the people that have made bad choices. It means loving a lot of people that I may not feel deserved to be loved.

I guess you have to ask yourself what love is; what does it mean to love one another? We hear often that Jesus is the Reason for the Season. He has to be the reason all year round. Love to me means caring, nurturing, forgiving, not judging, serving, and so much more. You have to define it for yourself. It's funny how much debate there is over what a Christian is. If we read the scriptures, we can answer our commitment to Christ by how much we truly do love one another. This had made me taken an inspection of my ability to love others. I hope I can do better and be more like Christ. Tina Turner posed the question in one of her hit songs, "What's Love Got To Do With It." Apparently, Tina, it has everything to do with.

I've been nutty, and it hasn't been nice

This strange phenomena occurred this week. I started getting a really bitter taste in my mouth. The first time I noticed it was early Tuesday morning. My first thought was, "Wow! Morning breath just gets worse with age!" But brushing didn't make the bitter taste disappear. Throughout the day, I would feel like I had been sucking on metal. There was just a tinge or something so bitter in my mouth.

After a couple of days I decided to google "bitter taste in my mouth." A lot of things come up under that pertaining to health related issues. The number one thing was dental hygiene. I did not believe this was the case for me--I visit the dentist every six months; brush with a Sonicare; use a tongue scraper daily; and carry dental floss in my purse. (Are you proud of me, Ron!)I remember seeing something about Pine Nuts, but it never occurred to me that would be what was causing the bitter taste.

After a few more days of this, I couldn't stand to eat anything because the food would taste bitter too. I went back to Google trying to solve this mystery. I saw the Pine Nuts again, and since I had exhausted every other option I read what people were saying. Then remembered, I had eaten Pine Nuts on Sunday.
Apparently, two people can eat from the same batch of pine nuts and only one person can have the reaction that has been dubbed, "Pine Mouth." Fortunately, I think I am on the end of my bout with bitter mouth. Finally, I'll be able to enjoy food again! Wikipedia is so good at succinctly summarizing I've included their description of it:

Risks of eating pine nuts
A small minority of pine nuts can cause taste disturbances, developing 1–3 days after consumption and lasting for days or weeks. A bitter, metallic taste is described. Though very unpleasant, there are no lasting effects. This phenomenon was first described in a scientific paper in 2001.[8] Some publications have made reference to this phenomenon as "pine mouth"

Madi said

Last weekend Madison offhandedly said, "I love hanging out with you, Mom." Not only did it make me smile, I was happy to hear her say it. I can't believe she even thinks something like that, let alone says it. It was quite a compliment. I am so glad. She is my little best friend.

We are planning to have everyone move to St. George in February. I am so excited. It's really only six weeks away. I know that will go by fast. I will be glad when I don't have to borrow cars anymore. Travis has let me use his truck for so long. Kim and Jake let me use my old truck for 3 weeks, which was so nice. I didn't worry about it breaking down. Of course, I don't think I drive more than 50 miles a week so I don't have to put a lot of miles on the vehicle. Travis' truck needs some serious work, so I just hope that I can make it last long enough to get Brant here. It was fun driving my old blue truck for awhile. It brought back lots of old memories. I loved buying that truck. It was the first vehicle I ever chose with exactly what I wanted at the time.

Unfortunately, Jake had to give his company truck back and can't use it to drive from home to work anymore. His boss said that it cost too much in gas for him to drive it back and forth. I guess the economy is hitting everyone hard when you have to pinch every penny and a few miles of gas is making that much of a difference. I am so lucky I have had family to help me out, because I haven't even had a car to worry about the gas part of it. I miss my little truck. Oh well, at least it went to a good home and it will get driven everyday. :) I guess it's just a vehicle and not a family pet. I shouldn't be so sentimental.

In other news...Porter started sleeping through the night without diapers. Yeah! What a victory. He has had one accident, but that's bound to happen. We down to one diaper baby. Three was a lot!

My sister Kim is expecting her baby any day. I am so excited for them and so glad they are having a little boy. It's a ton-a-fun to have boys and girls. What little miracles they are.

I am looking forward to Christmas. I get five days off. I am buying the pajamas stocking stuff and Brant's buying the toys. I love how excited the twins are about Christmas this year.

Believe in Who You Are

This is on YouTube. It's an inspirational song and video about motherhood. This is for all the moms.

Christmas Pics

This was the best we could do for a picture. I couldn't get them all to hold still, look at the camera, and smile at the same time. You can't see him, but Taylor (Travis' son) is off to the right ready to put Lane back on the bench each time he would jump off. Which would happen as soon as he sat him down. I guess this is what you call a reality shot. I still love it even though it's not perfect.

Twins have that "something special"

Those two melt my heart sometimes. They can be little tigers, but it's moments like this that make me realize they really do have a little something between them. Porter loves his sister and Madison loves that he loves her. I can't wait to see what their future relationship will grow into. Of course, when I think about boy-girl twins I also think about the twins on Saturday's Warriors. :0

It'll grow back

Madison, Porter, and Brant all got their hair cut on Friday morning. It was a first "real" haircut for the twins. Madison had an adorable A-line from her Aunt Bobbi about a year ago, but that has since grown out and had my Mom-trims done to it. Her hair was so cute! It went to the top of her shoulders and was a cute little bob, with swooped bangs. I was so glad she had finally started to get longer hair. She has taken nearly three years to grow anything. Her hair is baby soft, but so fine.
Apparently, getting her hair cut inspired her to pick up a pair of scissors and do some more. Only hours after her cute new do, she found a pair of scissors slashed through her hair. She ended up with one side looking like a mullet. I was devastated. More so than anyone else. Travis even told me it was just hair. Instead of Madison crying, I had tears falling. I took her back in on Saturday morning to get it evened up. The best they could do was give her a very short cut. Even so, it still has to many short pieces. Honestly, it looks horrible. But what can I say, except that it'll grow back.
P.S. She also clipped a chunk out of Porter's hair in the front. He at least has thick enough hair that I can cover it up with a little manipulating of his hair.

Thanksgiving

I have many things to be thankful for this past week. I am especially thankful for Brant is also Super Dad and Super Husband. I was required to work this weekend--with the exception of Thanksgiving Day. Brant had Thursday, Friday, and Monday off. So he packed up the car and kids and brought them over to Travis and Haley's for the 4 days. It was so awesome. Even though I had to work, it was nice to come home and spend the evening with my family. I cannot wait until they can come over here full-time.
We had a nice Thanksgiving with Travis and Haley and their family. Some of Haley's family also came over. I really enjoyed getting to make the whole meal. I know that sounds funny to some people, but I love to cook. I spent Wednesday night and Thursday morning cooking. It was a lot of fun to me. Plus, Haley bought everything--which was very nice of her. We played baseball after our early dinner. We ate at noon. The next day we were sore from playing. How sad. They just went back a couple of hours ago. I'm back to my bachelorette life--but I'd rather have them here.

The Rest of the Story

I guess I should have explained the rest of the story behind "Two Truths and a Lie." My mother-in-law has scoliosis like I do. She has recently been experiencing severe hip pain. I had the same thing happen to me when I was pregnant. It feels like someone is stabbing a knife into your hip. And, you don't want to take a step because you never know when a sharp pain is going to shoot through your body. It's awful. My brother would adjust my back and massage my muscles, it hurt so good! Anyway, I volunteered to help ease her pain.

And about the FBI agent...I feel so important that I can say an "FBI agent called me." It's actually an old friend from Page who called to pass on some information. He has a friend who's daughter has the same thing that Travis' daughter Ari has. So, it was totally un-FBI related, but still sounded mysterious.

About the two pounds...that's not happening this week. Maybe next week.

2 Truths and A Lie

Yesterday, when Brant came home I played 2 truths and a lie with him. I told him he had to guess which of these two things were real and which was not true.

1) I got a call from an FBI agent today.
2) I gave his Mom a butt massage.
3) I lost two pounds.

He quickly says, “I know you didn’t lose two pounds.” I couldn’t believe it. Seriously, the two pounds seemed more far-fetched than the other two? I thought for sure I had him. I guess it just makes me mad he can tell when I’m lying. With a face like this… Who wouldn’t believe me?

Am I blogging too much?

I really didn't think so, but I just heard Madison telling Porter "I'm going to put these stickers on my blog." He said, "That's cool. I don't have a blog."

I don't ever want to close my eyes again!

That's exactly what Porter said to me when he woke up Monday morning. I said, "Why?" He said, "Because, I hate to sleep, Mom!" Which is funny, because he is the last one to wake up in the morning. He never wants to go to sleep at night, either. I think his personality is such that he doesn't want to miss out on anything. He thinks that sleep robs him of that.

I love his happy, go-lucky attitude. Madi and I, we tend to be uptight when everything doesn't go right or we feel like we're losing control. Porter already senses that in me and he'll say, "It's okay, Mom. It's okay." He says that to me all of the time and I always smile, because I realize I am taking something way too serious and need to chill out.

* * * * *

When I had to leave on Tuesday morning, Madison was feeling very sad. She said, "Mom, I am feeling sad." I said, "I know, honey. This is really hard. It's hard for me too." I said, "Do you want to cry?" She said, "Yes." I said, "It's okay, so do I. But it will only be for awhile." She hugged me and said, "Okay, Mom. I love you. I will call you so you don't miss me so much." I don't know how she is so grown up for only being 3. I am sure every parent thinks this, but I look forward to seeing what they will accomplish in life and how much more they are going to teach me.

Belated Happy Halloween

I wasn't home in time for Halloween...so Brant took care of everything. Even, the costumes. I had the idea and he dressed them. They had the wrong shoes on, and he put a long sleeve white shirt under Madison's cheerleader shirt. And, a pair of red sweat pants. It didn't look very cool...especially with her white church sandals. But...I can't complain he did everything. Plus, I didn't get to take pictures because I wasn't there, so this is about it for picture quality. P.S. The referee shirt was made out of a white turtle-neck and black duct tape. Very clever, Brant, very clever.

22 years...and counting

That's how long Tracy and I have known each other. Wow! I can't believe how fast the time goes by. And now, she's moving to Kentucky soon. So, Tracy and her family drove over to St. George. She took me out for lunch. It was nice to visit and catch up. I told Brant I was so sad, I would probably never see her again. He simply said, "Liz, 'never' is a really long time."

I know my ABC's...all 24 letters

Madison has learned her ABC's. I'm not sure where she learned it. I haven't worked with her that much on it. She usually doesn't forget the last letters. Porter could care less about learning them.

Getting Used to Things

I am kind of getting used to the new schedule of leaving home for 5 days and then coming back. It's still alot of stress being away from the family. I don't know who has MORE stress...me or Brant. He has to work a physically hard job and then come home and take care of three little kids. I have a fairly easy job and when I get off work I have all the time I need for myself. I'm just all alone. It's always too much or too little in life. I guess we just have to enjoy what we have and be greatful for the have's and forget the have not's.

I love reading the Jackson Family Blog It keeps me so inspired. I don't personally know this woman. I came across her blog over a year ago. Her daughter died unexpectedly on a Sunday morning from a freak accident . I guess her story her story struck me at the time that it did, because her daughter passed away the day after my baby was born. For every day I have had with Lane, she has had without her daughter. Her story, her writing, her testimony, and definitely her personality inspire me in the struggles I have in life. So many times, when I feel like I am struggling with the things I don't have and want, I realize it could be a lot worse. That keeps me grateful for my challenges.

Getting another year older...already!

Where does the time go? I was really hoping that if no one remembered my birthday I wouldn't have to count it. But, too many people remembered so I can't pretend I didn't get another year older. Travis and Haley put together an all-out surprise party. It was really fun to come home and be surprised. Plus, I got some really cool outfits and boots thanks to Haley. Kim bought me some awesome jewelry--I totally need it for work. My parents took me and Kim out for a birthday dinner at Chili's. It was fun.

I also got lots of texts, emails, and facebook love. Thank you to everyone. The kids called me and sang Happy Birthday to me over the phone. It was great.

When I got back to Vegas, Brant had gifts that he and the kids got for me. He is the best gift-giver. He always gets the coolest stuff. This year, I only got two gifts from him, but they really counted. He gave me a silver heart locket with "I Love You Mom" on the inside. He put pictures of the kids on one side and a picture of me and him on the other.

He wouldn't tell me what he got me all week long. He kept telling me that he already had me "fitted" for it. I could not figure it. Finally, I got to open the gift--it was a pair of orthodic insoles. Several months ago, he had me stand on the Dr. Scholl's machine that tests your feet. I have really flat feet and all of the discomforts that go along with that. We didn't buy them, because they were too expense. But, he remembered what style I needed and got those for me. I love them.

Please stop drowning me

This week seems to be exceptionally hard, at least emotionally for me. This is the fourth week at my new job. On one hand, I can't believe how quickly it has passed. On the other, I dread leaving my family each week. The weekend goes so quickly. I have always beens such an emotionally sensitive person, although most people don't know that because I hide it so well. I guess as sort of a protection, because emotions can be overbearing to me.

I honestly think that I would have a nervous breakdown if I were in Travis' shoes. I'm not exaggerating. Which is horrible, because my kids would have a mental case for a mom. I just don't know how they do it. Vicki is experiencing so many problems with Jaden as well. Listening to them both this week, and then struggling with my own separation from my family has overwhelmed me. In fact, I keep telling myself, my situation is not that bad. I should not complain. But, then thinking about that, I feel guilty because I do feel so sorry for myself. I miss my kids terribly, I want to be in our own house (we've lived with people for 3 and a half years), and I want just a little extra money.

I found a story by Elder Wirthlin on http://www.lds.org/. It was titled Press On. One of the most powerful points in that story is to not ask Why Is This Happening To ME, but What Can I Learn from This Situation. It all makes sense, but sometimes it's really hard when you feel like someone is pushing your head under water and all you want is a couple of breaths. Here I am, trying to save money so we can get enough for a down payment to rent our own house. But, with all of the money I am spending because I have a job, i.e. gas, travel, food, work clothes, and daycare, there's not much left to save. It's frustrating. Hopefully, the three months will pass quickly.

Although, I do know I really have a learned a lot from this. I go home on weekends and just play with my kids. It's fun. The house (our little room and loft) is trashed. I mean, I would have never let it get that dirty when I was staying home. There is so much laundry it's all over our bedroom floor. The bathroom--oh my! But, I just don't care as much, nor do I want to spend my two days cleaning. So, I let it go. I make sure I say all of the things I want them to know before I leave, like how much I love them and how important they are to me. I enjoy just holding them and don't always tell them I can't play, read, or whatever my excuse used to be until I get chores done. I ditched part of church on Sunday, to go home and spend time with Brant. I mean quality time--alone. And, I'm not talking about any hanky panky, just some good quiet time. I would have never done that before.

I guess if I have learned anything, it is to put things in perspective. My value system has altered. Not much, but rules and life don't have to be just right. I'm still tired, and sad when I'm away, but I know we have made a choice to sacrifice so that we can have our own place, move to a safer town, and give our kids some of the things we think are important. I guess everyone has their own trials. It makes me want to be nicer to people too, because I don't know just how crazy their life might be.

Da' Boys

Rough and tough and tumble. That's what they love to do. Typical boys. I asked Porter if he missed me when I'm gone. He said, "I miss Dad." Thanks, Porter.

Little Posin' Madi

She loves the camera....both sides of it. She takes pictures of me all of the time. Most of the time she gets her finger in front of the flash or misses me altogether.

Cute Conversations

Me to Madi: You're the prettiest girl in our family.
Brant to Porter: No! Porter's the prettiest girl in our family.
Porter: No I'm not Dad!
Brant: Yes you are.
Porter: Dad! Look at my face and look at Madi's. She has the prettiest face.

Me: Do you want a grilled cheese sandwich Porter?
Porter: No, I want a boy cheese sandwich.
(He thought I said a girl-cheese.)

Me to Madi at church: Do you want to talk in church like that little boy at the pulpit?
Madi: I am talking in church right now.

I'm not the prettiest girl at work anymore

So maybe it’s conceit; maybe it’s realizing my youthful beauty has finally reached the top of the hill and it truly is “all downhill from here.” I’ll admit to some vanity over the past couple of decades. Vicki and I used to try to find girls in church who were cuter than us. I know, crazy. It was when we were in college. We would look around and try to find girls we thought were prettier. There wasn’t always a lot. If we thought someone was prettier, the other would argue that they weren’t . I’m not saying we were right, or that it was true; we were just really good for each other’s egos.

I came to this realization that I didn’t want to ask the magic mirror who was the fairest of them all sometime last week. I’ve been working at Paul Mitchell the School for two weeks now. It was a sad death of sorts. I totally understand Snow White’s wicked stepmother. But at work, I’m way out numbered by cute girls. I mean, there are lots of reasons that are out of my control. For one, the girls are half my age. When did I get old enough to work with people half my age? I AM going to be 39 this month. I have been out of circulation and admittedly grew quite frumpy while being a stay-at-home Mom for the past three years. The added weight gain, naturally takes off points. But, even if I were skinny, it’s still a tough competition.

Last night, while trying to go to sleep, my husband, Brant randomly said, “You know I still think you’re beautiful, don’t you?” I didn’t realize I didn’t think that anymore until he asked me that question. I haven’t felt beautiful for a long time. Not that my well-fed ego was lamenting over it. My ego always makes excuses for any deficiencies. You know, for example my ego will say, “You might not be the prettiest, but you’re the best looking 38 year old there. You look good for your age.” I like my ego.

I replied to Brant, “You do?” I wondered if he had been having secret talks with my ego. Or, maybe he was becoming my ego.

He said, “Oh, course. Why do you think I call you ‘Sexy’ all of the time.”

Begging for more, I said, “Really? You mean that?”

“You’ll always be the most beautiful woman in my eyes,” he continued. He leaned over and kissed me and then said what he says every night, “Good night, Sexy.”

He made me smile, and tear up a little. Maybe I’m not the prettiest at work anymore, but I’ll always be the most beautiful to him. I guess you can’t ask for more than that. Even if--as Ron always says, “The old gray mare ain’t what she used to be.”

Not enough time...

CAN YOU TELL who the leader of this group is? She's the boss, and they're her boys.

I have so much stuff I would like to write, but am limiting myself. Tonight is my last night before I leave for St. George in the morning so I am trying to spend as much time with the kids as possible. It's hard, but we have a goal and timeline in mind, so the sacrifice is worth it.

Here's my Madisonisms to record:

ME: You're a Smarty Pants.
MADI: Yes I am. I know everything.

MADI: (after I picked her up at Nursery) My teacher is so good. She took good care of me. She fixed my bow, tied my ribbon, and put on my shoes. She takes good care of me. She's so good.

ME: Did you have a good week?
MADI: I don’t know! What is a week?

MADI: (I just told her tonight was my last night before I have to go to work.) You want me to call you on the phone so you don’t miss me so much? (You can see she doesn't have as much of a problem as I do.)

MADI: Ughh!!! (Frustrated with Lane) We really need to teach him to talk.

Now, it's not that I am ignoring Porter. He just doesn't say much. I mean, he does, he just doesn't have these smart, funny, little quips that Madison does. He is very creative and is making up fantastic stories about dinosaurs, dogs, and super heroes. He is always fighting or saving the world.

Busy, busy

I started my new job last week in St. George. It's with Paul Mitchell-The School. I really enjoy it. Of course, I am so busy I haven't been blogging or taking pictures much. I hate being away from the kids, but it's this or live with other people for the rest of our lives! The choices we have to make.

Why do they look so sweet when they're sleeping?

My little boys love to sleep together. Last night Porter told me he was sleeping with Lane because he loves his brother.

Saturday is a special day...

...especially when your husband tells you to go back to bed--he'll take care of the kids. Wow! I loved it. After two extra hours of sleep I couldn't sleep any longer. I decided to get up and found him getting all three kids ready to go the park. I was kid-free until noon today. What a break. And, he's watching the kids tonight while Rhonda and I go to the Relief Society Broadcast. I am so lucky.

More About Ari

Written by Elizabeth (Lane) Hibbard

I woke up this morning and checked my email as I always do. Travis sent me a touching email he shared with four of his closest childhood friends. The tears flowed as I read his words. It is truly impossible to understand what a parent who is fighting for the life of their child must be going through. I will post parts of that email as I get time throughout the day to edit it. It's beautiful.
Check http://www.prayforari.blogspot.com/ for updates.
I am going to start working in St. George again next week and will be away from my children for four nights each week. My heart was aching as I thought of having to leave them. But, knowing it will only be temporary and will get our family to a better place, we have chosen to make the sacrifice now.
I still remember the quote that President Jones had on the wall of the seminary for all of the four years I attended. It read, "Sacrifice is trading what we want most for the moment, for what we want most in the end." That may not be exact, but that is the closest I remember it.
After Travis' email, I not only felt a sliver of his pain, I felt that I should be grateful that my situation is not the same as his. It's funny how we keep hearing that. Travis and Haley were glad they weren't in Vicki's shoes; and Vicki was glad she wasn't in their's. My friend, Lisa (Hamilton) West, always made the comment clear back in high school that if we all threw our trials into a pile and could go and pick out the ones we wanted, we would still probably take ours over someone else's.
I know people who have lived through some of life's hardest trials, and they always say, "I wouldn't trade this experience for anything." I think that is because through our greatest trials we also receive our greatest blessings. I know that Travis and Haley testify daily of the blessings they have received from this trial. Certainly, they would not have chosen it, but they have such a positive outlook they not only are leaving a legacy for their children, but for those who watch their example.
I don't think anyone who knows of their situation has not taken time to reflect on their own lives. Perhaps even hear their own murmurs and complaints. Hopefully, you have also felt gratitude as you thank the Lord for all of the blessings in your own life. This experience has touched me and I am thankful to Travis and Haley for sharing it with so many people. They are angels whose lights are shining bright, not only for their daughter, Ari, but for everyone else as well.

It's library day

Teaching the days of the week has been alot of work. We actually have to do an activity every day to help them think about what day it is. We christened Tuesday library day as that is a good day for the Toddler story time. I usually put Lane down for a nap and leave him with grandma. (She is so awesome.) Then, it's me and the twins. They really love the singing and dancing and story reading. We stayed a little longer today. I let them play with puzzles and read books. I decided to re-organize their puzzles. They were a mess. I know they'll be messed up again next week, but I thought maybe I could help.

Yesterday, Madison threw a fit. She is so good when she's good, and so bad when she is bad. It's strange. Porter justs stays in the gray area. Not too helpful, but not too bad. (Okay, sometimes he crosses over to the bad side.) Madison started throwing a tantrum. I have been giving her a warning when she does this and then I send her to her room to calm down. I was sitting by her yesterday and she started jumping up and down. She was throwing a tantrum. I said, "Madison, calm down or you will go to your room."

"No!!!!" She wailed and then jumped right into my lip. It split right open. And, instantly started swelling like a balloon. Not one for pain, I mean I purposely skipped all of the labor pains, I was dying. I wished I still had some percocet pills left. I iced it, put anbesol on it, and took ibuprofen. Then, took pictures and text them to people I thought I could get sympathy from. Okay, I sent one to Brant (bad idea) and one to Vicki. Vicki was sympathetic. Brant sent a big "LOL" back to me. He thought it was hilarious. I had to lie down for awhile. While I was moaning in pain, Madison came into my room and said very sweetly, "Mom, I really didn't mean to do that to your lip. I'm sorry."

Today she told me, "Mom, I just wanted you to hug me yesterday." I told her I would make a note of that in the future. My lip is still fat. If it was even, it wouldn't be so bad. But, I have an "A" cup on the left side of my lip and a "DD" on the right. It is even bruised on the front of my skin below the lip. Really, she got me good.

The twins in nursery

I took the camera to church on Sunday because Rhonda was taking pictures of the young women. When I was in the nursery, I took a picture of the kids.

The Circus is In Town!

I guess in Vegas the Circus is always in town. Brant took the twins and left Lane home with me. Lane and I walked to the library, while they were gone. They had so much fun. Porter has been talking about the man who flew out of the cannon for days. Brant snuck the kids into the V.I.P. seating area. He said it was no small task to outsmart the Shriners that were ushering the event. Actually, he said there was no one sitting in the V.I.P. section, so he thought he'd upgrade himself and the kids.

Baby Isabella

Isabella is my niece. Her mom, Heather, is Brant's youngest half-sister. We get to have her around alot because Heather is trying to finish High School and also has a full-time job.

She is only 5 months younger than Lane, so sometimes I feel like I have two sets of twins.

She is a sweetheart. She fits right in with all of the kids and loves to be around everyone. We've "picniced" dinner in the back yard the last two days because it has been so cool outside. (76 degrees) Bella joined us and helped clean the plates.

Grandma Smith Squared

Grandma Vivian Smith with some of her grandchildren. (l to r) Lane, Madison, Isabella Rosales, and Porter.

The twins and Lane love this Grandma Rhonda Smith. She does so much with them. They think they have the coolest grandma in the world. She let's them jump on her bed.

The kids are lucky to have so many grandparents. They are very loved! Madison knows how to kiss up.

Madi, Madi

What a little bundle of intelligence. This girl can not get enough of learning. She wants to read so bad. I have her practicing her alphabet now. She has almost gotten all of it down as far as being able to recognize each letter.

She's a smart little manipulator too. She wanted to go back to the library one day and we had already gone the day before. To try and convince me to take her back, she said, "Mom, we didn't thank our teacher yesterday. We need to go back and tell her thank you."

She is an extremely good Little Mama. She takes care of everyone. She loves to feed Isabella and take care of Lane. She just bosses Porter around. She is also my "Sergeant of Arms" reminding everyone of what the family rules are. No yelling, no hitting, and Mom is in charge. She often points her finger at her little brothers and says, "You listen to your Mudder! She is in charge." She looks at me for approval.

I forgot to mention this earlier, but about a month ago she informed me that she wasn't going to wear diapers to bed anymore. I was a little nervous, but she insisted that she didn't need them. Because we have mattress protectors, I told her we would try it and see how it goes. It's been about a month now and she has had four accidents. She is very upset when she does this. Last night, she was so excited because her "body woke her up to go to the bathroom." And, Porter, he'll probably be wearing a diaper to bed for a long time. He thinks being able to pee in bed is great.

She definitely has a stubborn streak and is very headstrong. It's be a challenge to work with her on some things

My Little Lane

He is such a character. I can't quite figure him out yet. He has this silent, but deadly personality. He will wander around the house very quietly, then you find out what he's been getting into. He dotes on his cousin Isabella, who is 5 months younger than him. He loves to follow the twins around and thinks he is as big as they are.

He's still only got his front 8 teeth. However, his teeth are starting to come in in the back. Bumps on the bottom, and teeth actually coming through on the top. He has been slow to get all of this teeth. He is very much a jokester and loves to play jokes on people. He's not as funny as he thinks he is. He's actually funny because he's trying to be funny. He thinks he can scare people. He let's out this little, "Baa!!" I think he is trying to say, "Boo!" If you're not paying attention you hardly notice his little roar. But if you pretend he scared the dickens out of you when he does it, he thinks it's hilarious.

He is alot like Brant. A total daredevil and thrill seeker. He is also quietly mischievous. But, he's also very sensitive and loves to give everyone kisses. He has a problem hitting you in the face when he wants to tell you that he loves you. Usually, he kisses you then hits you. Brant said he understands him completely. Wow! Okay, therapy already.

I am excited that he will be old enough to go into nursery soon. His first day is November 22nd--Brian's birthday. Can't wait. It will be strange that I will have three little ones in nursery at the same time. They're all movin' on up!

We took him out of his crib this past week. It was rough at first, but he seems to be getting the hang of it now. He sleeps in bed with Porter. Porter was much happier about it than he was. Porter likes to try to climb inside of people, he loves them so much. Lane, on the other hand doesn't like his feet covered or anyone to be touching him. (Not even me.) He's a very rude bed buddy. He has "allowed" Porter to sleep next to him. Porter tries so hard to get as close as he can, but Lane puts the kabosh on too much closeness. He probably thinks it's gay to sleep that close to his brother. That's what Brant would think.

He wants to go "bye-bye" with whomever is leaving out the door. On the rare occasion he does get to go, he is tickled pink. He has learned to open the front door, so we have to be very careful and lock it. The other day I heard the front door shut and when I went to check it, he had let himself back IN! He was covered in mud and had been playing in the flower bed. I am just glad he didn't wander down the street.

He doesn't have any attachments to blankies or binkies like Madison and Porter did. He's just his own little mold. He is a great little baby of the family.

It's Been A Walk In the Park

I have not been keeping up with all of the blogging I need to be doing. I know I often write to the masses, but really the true purpose of my blog is to keep a journal.

We are glad to see the hot Vegas summer come to an end. We are starting in the Fall climate that we love! Mornings have been 72 to 76 degrees. And trust me, after a scorching summer that is a refreshing cool.

We took the kids to the water park for Family Night on Monday. That's where I took this picture. Brant is SO good with the kids. They love playing with him.

We are still struggling with money. I can't complain though, it's not such a bad trial. We have our family and our health. I am grateful for that. I am being very picky about jobs that I am applying for. I want to find the perfect one that will work with our family schedule. We definitely NEED--not just want the extra money. But, we also want to find something that will work around the kids schedule and allow them to be with one parent most of the time.

The kids are growing and changing so fast. The twins are getting smarter every day. Madison is just too much fun. I think I like her intellectual side. Can a three year old be your best friend? She's like a mini-me so we have a good time talking. Yesterday at the library she started organizing the Disney cart of books. She was dismayed that the Princess books were not all in one section. She didn't stop until she went through every bin and and put them in the right place. She makes me so proud.

I have been helping the kids do a kitchen chore every morning after breakfast. Madison is in charge of cleaning the counter where they eat and Porter has to sweep the floor under their chairs. This morning, Madison came downstairs and frustrated said, "Hey! I just cleaned this counter! Who messed it up?" Spoken like a real woman.

Yesco, where Brant works, has already had two layoffs this year. They have a third one scheduled for Friday. Brant found out yesterday, that he won't be getting laid off. That's good news.

I have been working on Ari's blog (http://www.prayforari.blogspot.com/ ) more than my own blog. She is such a sweet little girl. I pray for their family. They are being so strong. It breaks my heart to see their story. But, they are setting an example of strength for all of us.

I've thought about taking up writing again. I do love to write. I just need to get focused.

I guess that's it. Everything is in the following pictures I'll post.

Hot Date with Grandma and Grandpa

I have been trying to teach the twins about the days of the week. So we have 7 8-1/2 x 11 different colored sheets of paper in a row on the wall. They each have the day printed on the top of them. We put a photo on each paper in relation to what is going on that day. For example, Dad's picture is on each day Monday through Friday. That means Dad is going to work. On Monday is family night; Tuesday is Library day; Friday is pizza day; and Saturday, we have a picture of the park. So Wednesday night we put a picture of Grandma and Grandpa up.
My in-laws are so cool. They do so much stuff with the kids. The twins got a "hot date" with them on Wednesday night. They took them to Chuck E. Cheese and out to Golden Spoon afterwards. They were so tired when they came home, it was like they were slippinginto a coma.
I almost planned a date with Brant since they were going to be gone. Then we realized we didn't have to go out to be alone--we would be home alone. It was relaxing.

Dawn takes more than grease out of your way

So last pay period...we hit broke about a week before pay day. I mean really broke. Zero balance in the savings, checking, and credit cards. Too many trips to St. George in the last month and not enough income. We ran out of dish detergent and trash bags and seriously had no money to buy any. I was literally digging up change around the house just to buy a gallon of milk.

But this little adversity gave me an opportunity to discover an often overlooked miracle. That is the magic of dish detergent. I can't figure out what is in it that makes it work so well. Let me give you a little more info. In light of being out of dish detergent, I decided to replace it with my Tide laundry soap. I had plenty of that. I know what you're thinking. That will overflow the dish washer with suds. Already thought of that...or rather remembered what happened when I did that to my Mom's dishwasher back in high school. So I used just a tiny bit. It worked okay, but just didn't do the same job. I couldn't wait until I had $4.28 to get my 11 ounces of Cascade. It would beautifully. But why? Why does it work?

You know me. I can't let a dead dog die, I mean I actually looked up why there are no B batteries. See this post: http://lizlanehibbard.blogspot.com/2009/01/i-just-couldnt-let-it-go.html.

Fortunately, in this day and age a new "Idol" has immerged for us to "speak" to and idolize. I mean the Greeks and the Romans may have had their share of "Gods" but could they ask them questions and get answers. No, they just made up stories about why things happened they way they did. If I were a Roman way back when, I would have to create a dishwasher God. And then create some story about his "magic dust" that made dishes. Or maybe it would be a goddess. Yea, much more likely to be the Dishwasher Goddess. Our modern god is none other than "Google: the god of all knowledge." Here's what I found:

Dishwashing detergent contains approximately 30 percent phosphates. Phosphates remove calcium that can build up on the dishes. The chemical also causes food to break apart and dissolve. It aids in preventing the accumulation of hard water on the dishes and silverware.
The detergent also uses enzymes in its composition. The enzymes dissolve food deposits, oil and collections of fat. They break down the deposits on the cellular level by loosening the peptides and proteins of food and fat.

Detergents use bleach and 5 percent surfactants to clean and further break down fat. The bleaching agents are chlorine based and clean the items washed as well as dissolve food deposits. The surfactants liquefy oils and fats, and stop water spotting as the items dry.

By the way, in my bit of research I discovered that dish detergent will help remove grass stains. There was some scientific basis for it, but that's way over my head. I hope you find this as interesting as I did. Yes....sometimes too much free time on my hands. I know. Maybe now you'll understand the freaky dynamics of the brain that Madison has inherited from me.

They say you always have one child just like yourself

Madison is "my" child. I have to say I am quit entertained by her intelligence and logic. She cracks us all up. It is very difficult to have an argument with her. And, she does not settle for "...because I said so." Her brain is in a different sphere. Here are some examples.
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MADI: Mom, I would like ice cream for breakfast.
ME: No, Madi. Ice cream is not good for your body.
MADI: It is too good for my body! My body loves it.
ME: Madi, you don't understand health and nutrition. You don't know what you're talking about.
MADI: (insulted) I do to understand! It is good. I know it's good. It has chocolate chips in it.
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ME: Hablo Espanol un pequita. Do you know what I said? I said I speak Spanish a little.
MADI: Don't talk like that. Spanish is a bad word.
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During our closing prayer, while the missionaries were over Madison walked into the room. In a LOUD whisper she said: What are they doing, Mom?
ME: They're praying.
MADI: Oh...for you? (As if I needed some prayers)
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This is in reference to her favorite movie, Land Before Time.
MADI: Mom, Cera's dad is very angry. He is always mad. I should teach him to be nice.
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MADI: Grandma, when are you going to take me on a hot date?
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I was trying to get Lane to watch Porter pee on the toilet. They were both standing there naked (getting ready to take a bath). I was explaining to Lane what Porter was doing. Then I put him on the toilet. I could see Madison watching us. She has always had a litte penis envy. She still doesn't understand why she doesn't have one. So I know her little mind was tick-tocking. When we were done she hopped up on the toilet and announced, "Oh yeah! Look what my vagina can do!" (Has anyone in the history of the world EVER said that?
_____

I know she has more. She says stuff every day that cracks me up.

Confessions of a Binky Addict

Porter has found some old binky's. My goodness, when we got him to "give up" the binky, we had to pry the binkies from his cold, dead hands to get him to quit. We got rid of all of them. Somehow he found some. Poor Lane never got to enjoy the bliss of a binky because Porter was, I mean IS, so addicted to them he would steal them. He has even taken them from other babies. Early signs of addiction tendencies. Oh no! Hope this is not a sign of future problems.

He "disappeared" for awhile and I could not find him in the house. I was calling his name and looking for him. I finally found him--curled up on the bathroom floor--with the binky he found.

This video clip is of me trying to get Porter to admit he has a problem. Because admitting you have a problem is the first step. It's funny.

Water Park

We have been talking about taking the kids to a water park all summer and of course, just never got around too it. It's still blazing hot in Vegas in September so I took them to a park less than 5 miles from our house. It was a perfect recommendation from my FIL, Wayne. Thanks! Brant was out of town helping with a car show. We had a good time. I would love to go there again.

New Blog Just for Ari

I am realizing there is such an important journey to document, that the entirety of it does not belong on my blog. I want to have a special blog for Ari. Please encourage and share the address with anyone who wants to keep up with her. And, please, remember to pray for her. I know the power of prayer works. She needs a whole of prayers if she is going to make it. The new address is: www.prayforari.blogspot.com

ARI: Thanks for the prayers

I have heard so many wonderful supportive thoughts from so many people. You certainly learn how far your web of life spans when there is a crisis. I am thankful to so many of our "Page" family who has sent me notes. I will forward them to Travis and Haley. Though the Page people have spread out across the globe, they are always so close and tight knit. Thank you to everyone. And please...don't stop praying. Miracles can happen. Also, please share this blog address with anyone you know who many know Travis and Haley and would like to join in praying on their behalf.

Ari: Comments from Donalyn

September 8, 2009 10:37 AM. From DONALYN (LANE) SHOCK: Liz, one of the first signs was the break out on her head back in May or June. Remember at the Family reunion? Haley took her to a Dr. and he said it was Cradle Cap and gave her medicine. But, it never cleared up. I think Haley took her in a secound time but you will need to double check that.
Anyway the doctors at Primary Children's Hospital said that would have been one of the first signs of this LCH. Travis told me last night that there are only about 50 cases of this in the US. It is so rare, that is why doctors miss it. When Travis and Haley can, I would like to see them put something together with all the symptoms. We can email the information around to everyone to help bring more awareness. Also, to help make the doctors more aware of it. If the doctors could have caught this earlier her case could be much better. It is just so new so they don't know.
Thanks for doing the blog so people can keep up on everything. Travis had me bring the kids up there so Him and Haley could come outside and see them. It was good for the kids to see them and be able to ask questions. They had a really good visit. I may have a few pictures that I can forward you.

Ari's Updates for Monday

Monday, September 7. 10:06 a.m. VICKI: This is what the swelling is from. FWD: (from Mom) Partly the steroids and her liver is enlarged.

Monday, September 7. 9:49 a.m. VICKI: Much better night. The drs. said she is stable. Mom said for the next few days there won't be much news unless she turns for the worse because they are doing a low grade chemo on her. It will take 2-3 days before they know if it's helping. At that point if it's not working then they have to do an aggressive high dose chemo. So hopefully no turns for the worse. I'm finding out why she is swollen. Mom hasn't text me back on that one. Oh and they can't give her tylenol anymore for the pain because her liver is too enlarged and struggling.

Ari's Update

For those of you who don't know, my brother Travis' daughter, Ari, has been diagnosed with LCH. She is currently in Primary Children's Hospital. They have so many people who care about them and are praying for them. I put the information on my blog so that those who would like, may read about how she is doing. Jaymi also summed up her history and condition really well...I won't try to recreate it. http://kingskourt.blogspot.com/

Her history as transmitted via text messages to the family. Most recent texts are posted first in the reading order:

Sunday, September 6. 11:01 a.m. VICKI: Bad night. She was moved to ICU. Her platelets are suppose to be 150. Hers are 8. She is having another blood transfusion. They did get the pick line in this morning. They are aggressively going to treat the LCH. They aren't waiting for anymore tests to come back. They said they are in emergency mode so they will start treatment without confirmations.

Saturday, September 5. 5:46 p.m. VICKI: The pick line was unsuccessful. They tried for over an hour, but her veins were too little. They couldn't get it in. They are going to try again in the morning so she's going back to getting poked every four hours. Mom said the poor thing falls asleep everytime right before they come in again.
Saturday, September 5. 1:21 p.m. VICKI: Ari is having a pick ?? placed at 3:00 I'm not familiar with it. But I guess they install a line in her that is like a tube that goes directly to her heart so when she has medication given to her she won't be poked everytime. My Mom said that her veins are so hard to find that it's been awful every time they have to give her medicien and right now that's every 4 hours. To have the pick installed is a surgery with general anesthesia, but it will be better for her.

Saturday, September 5. 9:58 a.m. VICKI: Drs. haven't said anything. but Ron was just reading about it. He said that he found a more medically based website (he kept reading words that I couldn't pronounce.) Anyway, it listed a spectrum of the cancer. The good end is a focal LCH where it has affected one area. That has an 80-90% survival. However multi-symptom (and the more symptoms you have the worse) is at the far end of the spectrum and it has a less than 50% survival rate because it gets into all of the organs and starts shutting them down. She has every single symptom...and she has the lesions on the brain, enlarged liver and spleen, and fluid in the lungs. My Mom said they asked one of the drs. last night what the chances of survival were and she wouldn't give them an answer.

Friday, September 4. 6:55 p.m. TRAVIS: http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/cancertype/childrenscancers/Typesofchildrenscancers/Langerhanscellhistiocytosis

Friday, September 4. 6:53 p.m. TRAVIS: If anyone wants to read up on what the doctors believe Ari has this site explains it the best. I will send it in the following text.

Friday, September 4, 2009 4:58 p.m.
VICKI (in Alaska): Well they have some answers. It's not leukemia it's actually worse. It's cancer and it's called LCH. They said it's really hard to explain it. The best thing they said to do is google LCH. She is scheduled for a cat scan tomorrow. They have to see where it has spread. It is treated with chemo but they didn't give any statistics.

Thursday, September 3, 2009 4:27 p.m. JAKE: Hey. We are breaking the fast now.

September 2, 2009 6:15 p.m.
HALEY: We are starting another fast for Ari. Her surgery is at 2:30 so we will end it at 5. Tell anyone you want. They think she has leukemia. Thanks.

Ari's Sedation prior to Pick Surgery

This is video of Ari getting her medication to be sedated before going into surgery. Haley is with her. We were able to watch her on Skype and my camera video taped my computer screen. The technology is pretty cool. I wish it was video of something different than this, but grateful to "be" there anyway.

And here's Lane...

He is such a happy kid...and a little mischievous. I am afraid he is going to be like Brant. He stuck and pair of suitcase keys into an outlet a couple of days ago and of course, threw the circuit. I was close enough to it that is sparked my arm. He loves his soft blankets. He STILL only has his front eight teeth. One is slowly coming through on his upper left side. He can say quite a few words: He says "Ma" for Mom and "Mam Mam" for Grandma. It sounds very close. Only a trained mother's ear would know the difference. He also can say on and off, outside, baba (bottle), and yea, that's about it. Not very verbal yet. He climbs like a monkey and can scale any cabinet. He can get on the kitchen counter from the floor--and the bathroom counter. Yesterday, he figured out how to climb into his height chair. He moved Isabella's walker (yes it has wheels) and climbed on it to get in the chair. And, he did this while Isabella was in the height chair.

Another accident streak for Madi

Madison, unfortunately, has my accident prone-ness. This black eye she is sporting is because she turned around too fast and ran into her own dresser. The other pink spots on her face are from getting into my permanent lipstick. It DOES NOT come off! It's horrible. It's like nail polish or something. Yesterday, she slipped on the patio and fell flat on the back of her head. She has a big goose egg. I'm sorry Madi, you get that from me.