Then and Now

Life is full of discoveries. I am amazed that even on the eve of approaching 40 I am still learning so much and am so eager to learn. If I could stamp a word over this week I think it would say, “overwhelmed.” I started my “back to college” this week. It has been quite an adventure.

You know when you watch those time travel movies and there are all kinds of new technology introduced? That’s how I kind of feel. Being back in an academic setting has brought back many memories of my previous college years. Funny though, how I was a completely different person. The “Then and Now” is so interesting I can’t help but compare.

I am taking 3 classes online. That was not even a possibility before. They were starting to use “remote” classrooms. It was a new idea that teachers would lecture on video and the classes would be broadcast on PBS or a special local channel. Students who were ahead of the game, recorded their classes to VHS. And, if they had a really fancy VCR, they could record it without even being home.

Every class has emphasized “no cell phones or texting during class.” That was not an issue before—hardly anyone carried around a big brick cell phone back then. And texting—I would have been like texting? What’s that? Sending your textbooks to other people? Then, if someone explained, “Oh, it’s like online chatting just on your phone.” I would have been like, “What? You can’t do that.”

All of the teachers have made their email and cell phones available to students. Before—you had to catch the professor during his office hours or leave him a note. And, as an added bonus, all of your classmates can become your friends on Facebook.

Powerpoint is the new way to lecture. One teacher walked in with his jumpdrive and plugged into the computer that was in the classroom. That’s new. In the 90’s someone would have said, “Jump what?” Or what is that tiny little thing on your keychain, a 16 MG memory chip. No…it’s the equivalent of a 2GB hard drive. And then, I would be like, “What? That’s impossible. That’s like putting the storage space of 50 of my Mac’s on to that little chip.” That’s right—at least 50 of my Mac’s. And, I was really cool because I had a computer. No one had computers back then. At least not in college.

I think I have changed as a student. I thought I was a nerd back in the day, I have grown into an even bigger nerd. I can’t stand being late and I’m over cautious about neatness. In math, I typed my homework, included all of my information and put it in two columns with lines dividing each problem. The poor girl next to me said, “Were we supposed to type our homework?” I responded, “No, I’m just anal. I have issues—as in psychological disorders. You know, lots or problems that have initials—OCD, ADD, ADHD.” She just said, “Oh.”

I actually love to sit in the front row and be early as opposed to previously sneaking in just under the wire and grabbing a backseat. I’m very worried about getting perfect scores now. I used to just be glad to pass—although I would do average or above.

The first day of my math class, we had to take a pretest. It included a section on your perception of your abilities and ideas towards math. The last part was actual algebra problems. I gave myself high marks for confidence, but failed miserably on the skill section. I smiled as I imagined the teacher looking at my paper. He probably thought I was a little out-of-touch with reality. I’ve just been through enough in life, that I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I don’t think I believed that in my twenties. I also have gained a lot of life skills over the years that I have kind of taken for granted. I’m not at all afraid to talk to the person next to me and ask their name. I’ve been much more outgoing. In fact, I enjoy reaching out to people and making them feel more comfortable.

There’s still old fashioned fun about buying new notebooks, pens, pencils, and highlighters. The hard chairs and teachers lecturing hasn’t changed. History is still history, and math is still the same bunch of formulas. I’ve kicked myself many times over the years for not finishing my degree when I was so close. But, I don’t think I really new what I wanted to be when I grew up. It’s taken me a long time to discover myself and what it is that I actually want. I wish I could have known sooner, but life is a journey. Even if you get to where you’re going, you don’t stay there very long.

What doesn't kill us...

...makes us stronger. Really? Is it just me or has life gotten really treacherous lately? I feel like there are so many things "attacking" from every direction. And, there's just not enough time to do everything that needs to be done. Especially, when you're trying to get to a better situation in life. I feel a day late and a dollar short almost every day.

I went to campus today to find the bookstore and purchase my books. I had no idea where it was. BTW, it's not on the college campus map they hand out. How dumb is that? I didn't want to be the old lady that asked where the bookstore was if it was right next to me. I noticed a flow of students coming with books in plastic bags. Obviously, if I followed the line of ants then I would find the anthill. After stalking a few students, I finally found it. And, yes, books are still way overpriced. Why can't they send out digital files of the textbook? Do you know how much cheaper that would be. I just got three of my books today--a mere $174.

Our computer is riddled with viruses so I haven't been able to upload any pictures. I'm bummed because I have so much going on and would like to blog about it. Brant doesn't understand my need to blog. Writing is my outlet. If I ever become famous, I will have a well-documented life. :) The computer also will freeze up in the middle of using it. Ughh!!! Frustration.

We are putting the kids in a "dance" class on Monday nights. Ever since Madison saw her cousins Emy and Averi Frampton perform at a dance competition in St. George, she has been wanting to go to dance classes. I bought her some leotards and dance skirts in pink. She is so excited. Porter doesn't want to go. We told him to try it and if he doesn't like it he doesn't have to go. If the boys don't go it will save me a lot of money. It's actually such a beginning class that it's the basics of tumbling, following directions, and some toe pointing.

Lane has been our ER poster child this month. He fell out of the bunkbed and cut his head open on an open dresser drawer. We shaved it, cleaned it, and glued it. It's healed nicely. As a result, he's sporting a mohawk. Two days ago he ended up in the ER because he got into Brant's Adderall. He was one stoned little kid. If you don't know, it's an amphetamine. Or, more commonly referred to as "speed" on the street. If you need it, it calms you down. If you don't, well then you become very happy. And, yes Brant does have a prescriptioin for it. It's fairly potent and requires a regular visit to the doctor to continue prescriptions. Lane kept saying, "Me happy. Me feel good." They had to give him the maximum dose of sedatives--or "downers" in street-speak. He was tweaking like a mad man. I felt horrible. Hopefully, that will be the last and only time I have to go to the hospital because my son overdosed on a controlled substance. He didn't go to sleep until 4:30 am.

Brant and I have been tag teaming on the work schedule. He works Wednesday through Sunday nights and I work Monday through Thursday days. We are still trying to catch up from being unemployed for two months. But, despite it all, we are making ends meet. And, for that we are grateful. Plus, we all still have our health. You can't put a price on that.

I'm trying to get into the academic mode. It's been a long time. About 18 years to be precise. Funny how I came to the realization that I have been forty for most of my life. The out-of-place feeling I had today on campus is the same one I had back in college. I think I have always been older than everyone. It's just a mindset, I guess. I had to laugh to myself. I guess I've finally reached my age. I am starting with English, Elementary Algebra, Computer Literacy, American History, and Library Information. All general classes, so nothing too hard yet.

Back to School

I finished my registration for classes for the Fall semester at Dixie. I'm going to be the old lady in class. :) I'm so excited. It was fun picking out classes. I actually had alot more transfer credits than I thought. Can't wait to get started--probably won't be saying that around Finals.

Twin Birthday Pics

They had a blast for their birthday. It was the most fun thing they've ever done. The anticipation leading up to the day--and the day of. I don't think they could contain themselves. Lane kept shouting, "My birthday too!" So we had to include him in everything. We took pictures of him with a cake and we wrapped a few presents for him.

Madi's pic of me

This is supposed to be me....can't you tell? I don't know what I'm doing in this. Maybe flying or falling.

Random pics

This is my last week of a two jobs...Yeah!!! I've worked a month straight with only 2 days off. And, one was on the twins birthday, so it wasn't really a day off. I'm downloading my camera and came across some of these pics.

The boys were feeding their alligators in the backyard. Apparently the alligators like my flowers too.

4-year olds say the darndest things

You can always tell when I am super-busy, because the blogging gets put on the back burner. I have been working 2-1/2 jobs and don't seem to have a moment to spare. I did take Saturday off to spend the twins birthday at home. It was a lot of fun. This was the first birthday they've had that they actually knew it was something to look forward to. We started counting the weeks down two weeks ago on the calendar. Every day we would mark off another day. They kept asking me to mark more than one day off so we could get closer to their birthday. I want to write more and post pictures, but will have to wait until I have more time.

At the end of the night, when we put them to bed, Madison said the funniest thing to me. I'll paraphase:

Madi: Mom, I have this feeling inside of me and I don't know what it is. It's right here. (pointing to her stomach.)

Me: Are you sick?

Madi: No

Me: Do you need to throw up?

Madi: No. I feel like I just want to play forever...and eat lots of sugar.

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Today Porter asked me if he could have some cake. I said, yes, after lunch. He said, "I can do whatever I want now because I'm four years old." Right, Porter, right.

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Madison told Brant today that he needed to go buy more presents, because they were going to turn 5 this weekend.

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Of the age subject...we have occasionally read scriptures together. Madison could sit and listen without any problem. Porter sometimes has the attention span of a gnat. To engage him, I often get him to act out parts of the scriptures. I asked him to try to be the Devil and convince people to follow him. He started dancing around the room saying, "I'm the Devil! Come to my church. It will be really fun." It was hilarious. Much more fun to watch then read about.

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On another note...it was hard for Lane to understand why he was the only who wasn't getting a birthday. We bought him a few presents so he wouldn't feel left out. I feel bad...he's too little to understand that they are twins, thus have the same birthday. But old enough to know he's not in on whatever it is.

Grandma and Grandpa Smith drove over from Vegas for their birthday. They were more excited about that than anything else. They spent the night and the kids had a blast. They sure do miss their Grandma. She took such good care of them.

...more later. Off to bed. Double shift tomorrow.

Pretty Girl

For Father's Day I am taking pictures of the kids and having them framed in 11x14 format. I am trying to do it all myself and it's taking alot longer than I planned. I wanted to capture each of their personalities at this time in their life. And, I am trying to do it without Brant finding out. Not so easy.

This one is Madi. She is wearing a frilly, but delicate pink and white dress my sister Vicki gave me. It's simple, but beautiful--like Madi. With, of course, her favorite color pink on it. She loves dresses right now. That's all she wants to wear. I let her pick out all of her clothes. I figure if she's ready to start make choices, this is a good place to start. She has a bow in her hair from my sister, Kim. She adores Kim. Kim does all of those cool things little girl love. She painted gel toes on her last week--and did her nails. Madison was showing everyone and telling them "Kim did it." As if everyone in the world knows who Kim is. Madi is totally into everything girlie.

The picture was taken in our backyard on a minature kids bench I got for $20. I know I'm her Mama, but I think she looks gorgeous.

To be a kid again...

Here's the two best friends...unless they are fighting. Pictures ARE really worth a 1000 words. This IS Madi and Porter's relationship. She is definitely in charge; he is by her side waiting for the next order. If you mess with "her" Porter she will come after you. She's very protective of him. He is of her too, it's just that she's such a tough little cookie she doesn't need it that often. Porter's outfit was picked out by Mom--and in his true Tom Sawyer-like boyishness, he prefers to be barefoot. Madi's outfit was selected by her--after two or three other tries. She digs boots, hair bows, and dresses. (All provided by her cool, stylish aunts.) Mom is none of those things. I could look at this picture forever, and I am sure in 10 years or more it will bring a tear to my eye as I look back and remember my today with my little cherubs.

And for the singlet...let me tell you about this picture. He is always trying to be funny. So, when he found this empty cereal box he thought it would be hilarious to wear it as a hat. It was not as funny to everyone else as it was to him--which made it even funnier. He is sporting open-toed shoes and he must almost always because he has such big, fat feet. The cushions have been removed from the back of the couch, by him. It's his favorite thing to do--throw them in a pile and then dive into them head first. The shirt on the arm of the couch is the one I picked out for him, but not the one he wanted to wear. Madi's favorite blanket is on the floor because he found it and wanted to give it back to her--he is sensitive to others and knows how much she likes it.

Look Mom! No Cavities!

We took the kids to the coolest dentist's office. It was a Children's Office and was totally decked out for the kids. They had a blast, and on the way home they wanted to know when they get to go back. Now, that's a good dentist.

Before leaving, they got to pick out a free children's book, a helium balloon, and they each got a gift certificate from Red Robin's for a free kids meal. (That was a bonus because had no cavities.)

Here's the dentist website: http://www.childrensdentalstgeorge.com

Going to the Car Wash!

I love that the Car Wash was almost as exciting as talking about Disneyland. Our car was SO dirty. I noticed it yesterday when I was coming out of the church building yesterday. It was so bad it was really embarrassing. This morning I decided to take it through a wash. The kids were in their underwear on the couch watching cartoons. I thought they would enjoy it as they have never been to a real car wash before. We loaded up and I tried to explain it all to them. They are so funny to watch. How can a car wash be this exciting? I guess it's all in how you look at it. I had to snap a picture with my phone. They look like little trailer-trash babies, but that's because I decided last minute to load them up--knowing we wouldn't be getting out of the car and that we could load up in a closed garage and return under cover!

Cute little litter

My kids are in such an entertaining stage right now. I love just watching them play together. They have such an interesting dynamic between them. Each combination has it's own personality. When the three of them are together, Madison is the leader of the pack. She dictates what they do. Porter always wants to follow her around and play with her.

When it's just the boys, they are into cars, rough housing, hiding from bad guys, and chasing each other around.

With Lane and Madison, she turns into the Little Mama. Lane obliges her in what she wants to play. They're both headstrong though, so sometimes it's a battle. Lane is not afraid to tell her what he thinks.

The Porter/Madi combo is kind of like the threesome mix. Porter just wants to make Madison happy. When he gets mad at her he says she is stupid and that makes her very mad. She always tries to put him in time out. They sometimes have a love/hate relationship.

Sweet Sleep

I love watching my kids sleep. They look so peaceful. The pictures don't seem to do justice to how it makes me feel to look at them.

Camping?...Kinda

We set out for our first real family camping trip on Lane's birthday. (Last Friday.) I was so excited. I thought the kids were going to have so much fun. But, I am really a novice when it comes to camping. Brant, on the hand, can go anywhere and camp. He actually lived in a tent for awhile--before I met him.

We went to this place that was highly recommended--as we don't really know a lot of the areas around here. I was surprised at how many people were out camping. I guess getting away from it all it something everyone likes to do. The kids were in heaven. They were playing in the dirt, picking up sticks and in awe at the small stream nearby. After we had made several trips to the campsite from our car, Brant started with the tent setup. Not long after that, a woman came to inform us that we were not in an approved camping site and that we could not stay overnight. Furthermore, all "approved" sites were already taken. Lame.

So, we had to pack everything up and take it back to the car. Although Brant and I spent our time unpacking and then packing, the kids had fun. I think they are somewhat confused by what camping is. We decided we would try again later and plan ahead. It's a shame you have to make reservations to go camping. I remember as a kid, we just loaded everyone up and went camping in the middle of nowhere. It was fun. I guess even remote areas are "civilized" now.

Lane Turns 2

This post is a little late. He actually turned 2 on Friday, May 21st. They're so cute at this age. He was excited about everything, but wasn't really sure what it was all about. Of course, he wasn't complaining about opening gifts and eating cake. He got lots of toys--mostly from other people. I think his favorite toy was his Handy Manny fix-it race car. It has a drill and talks to you. There are 15 different spots to drill. You can also fill up the gas tank. He loves cars.

He got a Thomas the Train car from his Grandma and Grandpa Smith. Porter has a smaller Thomas the Train. They would put them together and say they were a Mom and a kid. Funny how they can play for hours with one idea. Great Grandma Smith and Grandpa Jay each gave him $5. He carried the money around for a long time. And, he was so excited about it. It was cute. He has no idea. Brant is going to take him to pick out a toy with his money. I want to put it in savings--but I'm b-o-ring!

After the little family party, Brant and I were lounging on our bed. We came out to this--the kids got carried away. He was supposed to do this on his first birthday.

We bought him a Diego (from Go, Diego, Go!) He loves "Eggo." That's how he says it.

The twins were chomping at the bit to get in on the action. They can't wait for their birthday. It's all they talk about.

Lane is developing a very animated personality. He loves to be funny. He is so excited about words. He repeats everything and wants to learn more. He loves to be called nicknames. We call him "Bam Bam" and "Love Bug." His favorite game is "Ring Around the Rosies." It cracks him up.

He is cranky when he first wakes up and has to slowly awaken. He doesn't like anyone to talk to him and he's onry in the morning. He knows how to use the toilet, but isn't really interested because a diaper suites him fine. He will tell you when he has pooped and asked to be changed. He is a neat freak and likes to put things back. If I take the milk out of the fridge, he immediately is tell me two things: "Lid!" and "Up!" He wants me to put the lid back and put it up. He won't leave until I do.

He is the sweetest, happiest kid--until he gets pissed off. And, that doesn't take much. He has a wild temper, can be defiant, and stubborn. He's content being called a "Mama's Boy."