What's new...

I was going back on my blog with the kids and reading about things they had done. We laughed about the funny things they said and the cute pictures of them as toddlers. I realize I haven’t written much about them—or at least as much as I used to. I know this last year has been really hard and has been a major adjustment for them. I can’t believe how many things I would have forgotten if I had not written them down.

I need to write more so that the memories of their childhood will not be lost. Not so much for them, as for me. I love to go back and reminisce and have my mind refreshed of all of the precious things they do as children.

The kids are more than half way through first grade. I know every parent says this a million times—but time flies by!!! Porter has really flourished this year and is excelling in school. He loves other kids and especially his teacher. He said he knows she’s a mom because she calls the kids “baby,” “honey,” and “sweetie.” He adores her and often makes her cards or letters. 

Madison has been struggling quite a bit with the divorce. It has hit her hardest this last year. I’ve talked to her a lot about it and she opens up. I’ve read the effects that divorce can have on children. She has most of the symptoms. But talking to her has helped her recognize that these are external issues that are not her fault. I spoke with her teacher last week because I have been concerned about her academic progress and her ability to deal with all of her emotions and insecurities. Her teacher told me she said, “I heard that kids of divorce sometimes have a hard time in school.”

The teacher recommended she attend a class the school counselor has during school hours. Kids of divorce meet in the group and read stories or talk about how they feel. It’s called Banana Splits. When I told Madison about it and asked if she wanted to go she said, “Yes mom. I really want to go. I think it would help a lot.” I’m glad she is very aware of how she is being affected and recognizes she needs help. I asked Porter if he wanted to attend and he said, “No. I don’t really need help with the divorce. It doesn’t affect me like it has Madi.” 

He is such a wise little man. He still hates to go to sleep and on weekends he usually stays up late. I’m amazed at how he can still wake up early and go through the day without being tired. Often I am falling asleep before he does. After the other two kids go to sleep he’ll cuddle up next to me and talk. It’s the best time to actually have a conversation with him. He rarely does that when he has the other two around. I am seriously amazed by that little boy and how much of a grasp of life he has already. He is so mature. 

Last night I asked him how he was doing with the divorce. He said it doesn’t really bother him. I asked why he thinks Lane and Madi have a hard time. He said, “Well, Madi is really sensitive and Lane is just little.” I said, “Maybe you can help them out since it’s easier for you.” He said, “We hear a lot of bad things about you and sometimes it’s hard to decide if it’s true or not.” He said, “I used to believe a lot of it, but now I just think about it and decide for myself.” Wow! He said, “I think they don’t know who to believe anymore.” 

Some of the things being said are not worth repeating. All of the things the kids tell me do hurt, but not me so much. Just the things being said are emotional disparaging to my kids. I try very hard to say positive and uplifting things about the people they are with when they are not with me. I know they are loved by them and that’s what is most important. I believe it’s unnecessary and so damaging to the kids. It is hardest not to react when they tell me what is said. I want to be angry and say all of the bad things I know, but the self-satisfying venting will do nothing good. I know that uplifting and speaking kindly of their Dad builds their self-esteem.  I just tell myself that someday they will grow up and be able to see things for what they were. I want them to remember that I never spoke unkind and that I didn’t say things that would hurt them.

The boys have wanted Skylander ever since they were introduced to it by their cousin, Krew. I told them if they do chores, they can earn money. I tried giving them assigned rooms, but it never worked very well. I think it was too much for them to do. Not really as far as the work, just mentally they didn’t know where to start. I came up with a chart that has a picture of the chore and then I put points by it. For example, clean the toilet, clean the bathroom mirror, or sweep and mop the kitchen floor. I give them small decorative stones for each point. They can turn them in for money at the end of the night.

Porter talked Lane into combining stones so they could buy Skylander together.  Porter also quickly looked at the chart and found the chores that had the highest points. He always does those first. Madi wasn’t really interested until I encouraged her to think of something she wanted and something she would want to save her money to buy. She decided she wants to get her ears pierced and she has suddenly become very interested in the chore chart. Lane is half-hearted about chores. He’s mostly prodded to do something by Porter so that Porter can add his stones with his. I just have to save up for a game station now!

Porter has also had such a high aptitude when it comes to the phone and the computer. He can do so much on it. I never would have guessed he would have been so smart. Lane adores his older brother and thinks he’s the greatest. Those two are best buddies. Lane is content to watch Porter play on the phone or the computer. Lane is a little on the lazy side and pretends not to hear me when he doesn’t want to do what I’ve told him. He is still the best little cuddle buddy and says the sweetest things to me. He still wants to marry me when he grows up. I keep telling the boys they have to cuddle with me even they grow up. They promise that they will.

In one of our late night talks, Porter told me how much he loves girls. I thought, oh no! I asked him if he was going to have a girlfriend when he grows up. He said, “Yeah, when I’m a teenager I will.” I said are you going to kiss her? He said, “No I just want to hug her.” I said, “Why do you like girls so much? You have a crush on your teacher too.” He said, “Because mom, girls remind me of you.” 

I adore them so much. I only wish they could have more of a normal life--one with a house, their own rooms, and one where they didn’t have to spend time between three different homes. I don’t know how I can make things better for them. I just pray for the best to happen and that they will be okay in their dysfunctional world. 

I have wanted to do cool things for them and they love Austin and Ally on Disney. Austin, his real name is Ross Lynch, is one of their favorite singers. He and his siblings have a band called R5. There is a concert in Phoenix and so I am taking them to that. They are so excited about it. It’s been a struggle to save, but I figured it would be a great memory for them and something they would really enjoy. The twins told me that they have been telling all of their friends at school. That makes the financial pain a little easier. In my pre-mom life I have always had a hard time spending money. Especially on fun things or things that seem frivolous. This has been hard for me—the saving part is easy—it’s just spending money.

I have been slowly getting needed repairs completed on my car. Last Saturday we took the car in and waited. It was almost three hours. We got the alignment done and the tires rotated. This week I was going to get the air conditioning fixed, but ended up with another problem. My right front axle was wearing down. I opted to fix that and put off the car a/c for another week. I so want to have that this summer. 

We rode the bus and it was cold and windy. Because it was Saturday, we had to wait for some of the busses. I think they were bussed out after the day. At one stop, Madison asked a lady if she was poor. I tried to ignore it, hoping no one would notice. But, she said it again. I was so embarrassed. I told her it was not polite to ask people if they were poor. I love my kids!

Porter for President

I have been so frustrated with haircuts in Las Vegas. Every place I have gone and taken the kids, we don’t have very good luck. I finally decided to take them to Paul Mitchell the School in Henderson. It’s a long drive, but I knew it would be worth it. And…it totally was. My boys finally have decent haircuts and my hair is actually even instead of choppy. But, that’s not the story.

The boys have wanted Skylanders since their cousin Krew introduced them to the game. We don’t even have a game system. But, Porter has been obsessed with earning money to buy the starter kit. I’m really proud of him that he decided to try to earn the money instead of trying to beg for it. He recruited Lane into buying half. I give them a dollar a day during the time they are with me for doing their chores. They only get $3 a week. I told them it would take 3 months to earn it—the equivalent of 12 church days. (They understand that time currency.)

On the way to Paul Mitchell, Porter said Mom we need to find something to sell so we can earn money. I said like what? He said, I don’t know maybe cupcakes or something. Can we do that? I said actually no. There are health regulations, business licenses, and you need a permit. He said oh a permit—like you have to have a permit to own a gun. I said yeah, kinda like that. Then he said, “I think I want to be President. I can change all of the rules. I really want to do something that will change the world.” 

We went in for the haircuts and the girls thought they were so adorable. They were literally gushing over Lane and Porter’s cuteness. I don’t blame them. When Porter was finished he said I have to come back to that girl again. She did a really good job. I told her I was going to and she made me pinky promise. The girl came over to tell him goodbye and give him a hug. He told her was going to be President someday and he was going to change the world. (More gushing from her). He asked her if she would vote for him. She said yes and she would also cut his hair when he was President. 

When she left, he said well I got my first vote. I am so amazed at this generation of children—and not just mine. They have information and technology like never before. It will be inspiring to see if this is the chosen generation that will indeed change the world. On a side not, the boys did not do chores one day this weekend and did not get their $1/day. Hopefully, they will learn they can't get something without working for it. This is not a socialist household.

You Really Should Read This

Self-help is awesome. You can buy a book for twenty bucks and solve a lot of your problems. It’s so much cheaper than therapy. I have read many a book from the library shelves of self-help. I should be completely, mentally whole by now. Is it a bad sign if someone actually buys you self-help books and sends them to you? I mean, it’s not really self-help after that. It’s like assisted self-help. Or, maybe it’s an intervention. 

While putting them on top of my stack of self-help books, I see my copy of “Co-dependent No More.”  Maybe I’ll send that one back to my donor as a thank you. At least it’s not as bad as the time some co-workers anonymously gave a girl deodorant. That was definitely assisted self-help.

---------------------------------------------------

To my BFF: You know I love you more than dirt, Weezer! And, thanks for being my material all of the time. You are a brilliant co-star in my life. (Or, am I your co-star. Hmmm….let’s just be Thelma and Louise.) Thanks for the books too. I really do like them and darn you for spending more money on me. P.S. Happy 25^th! Anniversary. We met in February of 1988—and after overcoming our initial disdain for each other, we’ve been best friends since. Can’t believe we’re on our way to three decades of friendship. The retirement home gets closer every day!

I Hope A Stranger Wins The Lottery

I work at a call center for a travel agency. It’s one phone call after another. We are expected to take 35 to 40 calls per day. When the phone rings, you never know who is going to be on the other end. Sometimes it’s an irate customer, someone who hardly speaks English, or someone who has no idea how to use the internet. Occasionally, you “meet” some interesting people on the phone.

Speaking to a friendly person with a personality is always welcome. Today, I had one of those calls from a man who flies often and had several bookings. He needed some itineraries double-checked and wasn’t sure if he had booked a hotel for a particular trip. I reviewed his information and while assisting him, I noticed he had rebooked a flight and not cancelled the one he was replacing. When I asked him about it he said he had been told the exchange fees were more than booking a new flight. So he just left it. I explained that although the airline penalty was steep, he could still have some credit to apply towards a future flight. He was unaware of that so I processed the credit for him.

At the end of our call, he said I just have to tell you this is the best customer service I have ever encountered. Thank you! If I were worth millions, I would see to it that you never have to work again. I laughed and said if you win the lottery you’ll have to split it with me.

I sent him a personal email while on the phone advising how to avoid the exchange costs he was unscrupulously quoted. One of the things I do not like about my job is the shady behavior we are encouraged to employ to illicit money from people. I refuse to do it, but still have to maintain my sales quota.  I told him in the email I was going to advise him of the fee avoidance even before he promised to make me rich. 

He emailed me back and said he has never bought lottery tickets in his life, but he was going to buy them. If he won, he’d let me know. Please let him win.

Too late now

This broke gig is actually getting kind of fun. I have become very creative and Savers is my salvation. My TV broke—it was a big ole bad boy. Probably could have stacked 5 flat screens in a row to equal the depth. Savers was calling my name. Found a cute little TV for $25 bucks and had a 20% off coupon. It took two guys to load it into my front seat.   

That’s the first time it occurred to me I had no idea how I was going to get this TV into my apartment. My three little kids were in the backseat. I hopped in the car and thought, somehow I’m gonna do this. That is the single mom mantra--don’t know how, don’t know when or where, but I know why and that’s enough.

We got home. I tried to get it out of the front seat. I could not even wrap my arms around it or figure out how to lower it. It was so heavy, but  I was able to roll it down my body onto the ground.  I literally could not pick it up. Cardboard is a moving girl’s best friend. I pulled a thick cardboard box out of my trunk along with a few straps that had hooks on the end of them. I managed to wiggle the cardboard under the TV and put the hooks through the cardboard. I bent over and pulled and had Porter push it from behind. (He still had his arm in a cast.) Oh what a spectacle! A forty year old woman dragging a TV across the parking lot with a six year old who has a broken arm pushing it.

I was so proud of myself. I knew I could do it somehow. But then…we came upon the curb. Out of breath, I told Porter it was time to come up with the second part of the plan. He said what’s that? I said, I don’t know yet. Bless a stranger’s heart, a young man saw my plight and ran over to me. He said, “Do you need some help?” I laughed and said, “Yeah, yeah I do.” I’m  not too proud for help anymore.

Together we carried it into apartment but had to put it on the floor. The old TV was on the table. We watched TV on the floor for a couple days until my posting on Craigslist for a Free TV was picked up. I kindly asked the two men if they wouldn’t mind lifting my other one onto the table. Don’t know how I’ll ever move this one, but I’m sure I’ll think of something. 

I love the ironies of life. You give, you take, you live, you learn. You get yourself into something and then have to try to figure out how to make it work. It takes patience sometimes. And it always takes someone else to help. But in the end, everything seems to work out.