What A Life

I think I am turning into the construction worker whose house is never finished; the landscaper whose yard is incomplete; or the mechanic who has cars in the driveway. I have neglected to keep my own blog up for awhile. This is probably my most important writing project as I began it with the intention of having a yearbook chronicling the lives of Porter, Madison, and Lane's childhood. When they are 18 and I give it to them, I can say, "Here's your proof you had a good childhood. Here's your proof I was a good Mom. Take this to your therapist." Okay not that extreme, but I know how forgetful the mind can be. I can already go back the past year and have brought to memory an event recorded that would have otherwise been forgotten.

We are starting a new chapter as a family that I am really excited about. With my new writing job, I can work from home. It has been a lot of fun getting to be with the kids more. It has lessened the pain of being apart and the kids are really enjoying it too. I've had to work a lot of harder to find time to still meet my deadlines and juggle kids, but it's working. We are multi-tasking our activities. I take them to the pool. They swim. I write. We went to a library program Saturday. They played, I wrote. We're going swimming again and then I'll probably let them play at McDonalds for a couple of hours. I'll be writing.  I've had to ask them to help me a little more by having quiet time while I am in the middle of writing at home. Just being present is good enough for all of us. It's been amazing and I am so blessed to have this opportunity. I really feel more gratitude than words can express. A year ago, I told myself I wanted more money and a job that I could have more time with the kids and now it is happening.

The kids....Porter is really into learning how to do things on his own. He wants to learn to make as many things as he can all by himself. He's able to fry eggs. (Occasionally forgets to turn the stove on or misses the skillet.) He's adept at Top Ramen, instant oatmeal, and toast. He can almost make macaroni and cheese by himself. He can blend a smoothie and makes great barbecue chicken. And, last but not least, he knows how to thaw a bowl of frozen peas. He can't live without those. It's nice when he can make stuff for the other two--and they do take advantage. He pretends he is opening a kitchen.

Madison is slowly turning back into her pre-divorce self. She still struggles, but she's coming out of it. She has a lot of unanswered questions and doesn't even know how to articulate them. She is still struggling with reading, but every once in a while gets it. Her memory is phenomenal. She saw an ad on for Red Roof Hotel and said, "Isn't that where we stayed when we went to the concert in Phoenix?" I actually had quit a memory at her age, and I'm wondering if hers will kick in and she'll be able to read better this year. With my new job, I can spend more time in their classrooms too! Yea...not. Madison is the most amazing, helpful child when she wants to be. She can be quit the opposite when she chooses not to. I already noticed a big difference with her being with me more.

Lane is starting to get a little more independent from me. I have "he's my baby syndrome" bad. Fortunately, he's too independent to fall for it. He wants to do what Porter and Madison do and still doesn't quite agree that they're not the same age--even though he realizes they are 7 and he is 5. He reminds me of Kim when she ran around with the boys. She didn't know she couldn't do what they were doing so she did it. Lane is doing so well with his writing and reading. He knows so much already for school. I have to credit his Grandma Smith for that. She is really good at working with the kids. Lane still has a little lazy in him. He has to find ways to make cleaning fun. If he can pretend the trash can is real and it needs to be fed, he's good. His toys always have to be "rescued" by a superhero to get back to their toy box. He's great at cleaning the kitchen--as long as I will help him.

I am always interested in listening to them say what they want to be when they grow up. Lane wants to be a Fireman still. Madison wants to be a Veterinarian. Porter wants to be a rockstar. It's hard to believe I will have two second graders and a kindergartener. I'm excited for them and their futures as they are such good kids. I relish the moments of their childhood now because I've seen plenty of people have their children change as they become teens and young adults.I don't know what the future holds for my family, but know I have to enjoy every moment. They teach me more than I teach them.

I Is A Real Writer Now

My first day "off the job" as a paid writer. My company training is complete and I am spending my first at home day working. I haven't dressed, combed my hair, or put on makeup. I'm wearing old boyfriend shorts, a t-shirt, and mismatched socks. No commute in Vegas traffic. Haven't seen a soul. Complete solitude. I have corresponded with my editor three times and taken a phone call from him. (I just like to say "my editor". I have an editor.) I am experiencing slight eye-strain. That can't possibly because of my age. My computer must not be functioning. I shall carry on....or type on.

Two Sides of the Coin

My "It Is Life" column for July:

http://aliveutah.com/it-is-life-two-sides-to-every-coin/

Alaska is the end of the world.

Lane is limping around with a broken leg, but getting better and better at it. He has an annoying habit of waiting until the very last minute to have to go to the bathroom. (Hmmm...sounds like a certain sister.) Pre-cast this was okay, because he could run to the bathroom.

He was on a bar stool when the urge hit. He yelled for me and I rushed towards him in a fake emergency mode. I grabbed him and threw him over my shoulder and ran for the bathroom. I flopped him forward over my shoulder and caught him in my arms. He was laughing and I held him in a "low-dip-tango-ish" dance pose with him almost upside down and his head nearly touching the floor.

I said over-dramatically, "I'd carry you to the end of the world and back!" He said, "You would." I said, "Yes." Pragmatic like he is, he responded, "Mom, that's a really long way. I think you'll be really tired." I laughed and said, "Probably." He said, "Wow! Would you take me to Alaska?" I said, "Yes!" He said, "Good cause Alaska is where the end of the world is at."

Red, White, and Blue

I am not Mexican, nor am I Salvadorian. But, I could not convince the Vietnamese nail lady I was not. She wanted to know what Spanish country I came from. I seriously thought she was kidding, until she said, "Ja, maybe for you no like Mexican because you some other Spanish. You know, you Spanish people so mad someone call you Mexican and you no Mexican. For me, people say Chinese. I say no me Vietnamese. But is okay, I no care!" I told her I wasn't any kind of Spanish and the only Spanish I knew was Taco Bell, Nacho Bell Grande, and Mexican Pizza.

My skin is as white as the driven snow. Maybe it was one of those instances when a person of a particular race thinks that another race all looks the same...except I'm not Spanish so I can't look like all of the other Spanish people. She asked me what I was if I wasn't Spanish. I said, white, plain old vanilla white. I said, "Look at my arms. They're covered in freckles." Then I realized it kinda sucks not to be part of an ethnic group. People from other countries can say their Italian, German, Polish, Swedish. I could say American but that includes too many races to be distinctive.

Then I thought about it more and realized that "white" people are so diluted in their genealogy they have no distinct race or nationality. I mean, I have ancestors who are Irish, Portugese, Jewish, etc. (Mom and Dona know more about that.) But I don't get a cool name. I'm really disappointed that all I have is a color and it's not even a cool color. I think everyone should just have to say what color they are and even be able to pick their color. That would be fair.

Or else, I need some cool label. Caucasian is not cool, by the way. In fact, it's not even applicable as it is a word that originated in 1807 and referred to people who originated from the Caucasus Mountains between the Black and Caspian seas. (Which is no where close to America.) I don't know a single soul from the Caucasus Mountains. Maybe someday I can return to my homeland and meet my people.

A dating tip from Lane

Each of my children are so unique, but the dynamics of their personality change when they are alone with me. Lane woke up EARLY this morning yelling for Porter. I said, "Go back to sleep, Lane. Porter is asleep and you're dreaming." He said, "You can't be awake if you're dreaming, Mom! And, I am awake!" He woke up and woke me up. He talks a lot and loud when he's the only one awake. He said, "I'm the man of the house because Porter is asleep!"

I asked him if he wanted to go to a fancy restaurant for his birthday date with me. He said, "Yea, let's go to Subway!" I said, "No, I was going to take you out to a really nice restaurant." He said, "Mo-o-om! You can't take me out to a restaurant, I'm taking YOU out." I said, "Lane, it's your birthday. I get to take you out." He said, "Mom! Whenever you go on a date, the man has to take YOU out. I'm the man. I'm taking YOU out for my birthday."

E=mc2

My feeble words cannot even begin to explain how awesome it is to have kids! I learn so much from them, it makes wonder how we get dumber as we get older. Or, if they are just that much smarter than we were. Lane begged me to play Skylander with him because Porter was asleep. I feel like I did when we would try to get my Grandma Lane to play Ms. Pacman at the pizza parlor. I remembering thinking how I was always going to be cool enough to play an arcade game. That's the only reason I floundered with a controller while my 4 year old (for only three more days!) tried to explain to me how to use the controllers.

Yesterday at the pool, Porter asked me if I had let the air out of their pool swimming tubes. I said no, I just put them in the trunk of the car. He wanted to know why they were a little deflated. I said it's because when the weather or temperature changes the tubes can go flat. That wasn't enough for him. He wanted to know how that happened. I said I don't understand. I said it's something to do with condensation. The air molecules are little tiny bubbles and they get tighter when it's full--but the heat can make the bubbles smaller. He said, I still don't understand. I said, yea I really don't get it either and I'm confusing myself. I just know heat can make a tube deflate. He said, I know, BUT I want to understand it! Can you explain it to me? I was like, yea, not really. Stop trying to be so smart.

Lane is so excited about learning everything. He already knows what most kids learn by the end of kindergarten. We checked out books at the library that he can read. He loves reading to me. I told him I am so proud of how much he knows. He said, "I am really smart, Mom!"

The kids came up with an idea that we should get them a house. Then Brant and I could take turns staying with them. That way, the parents have to move between two houses instead of them. They said it would be more fair that way, since they're not the ones who made the mistake. lol. How wise they are!

Fire Station 56

I am fortunate enough to have gone to high school with a man who is now a Fire Captain in Las Vegas. He let me take the kids to his Fire Station and give them a tour.   It was awesome and the kids loved it. They sprayed the hose, toured the station, and rode in the fire truck. They said they were so lucky they’re mom had a connection. I told them, “I’m the bomb.com.”

Friday is my favorite day!

Every time I pick up the kids on our joint custody schedule, Lane will come running out of his grandma's front door and yell, "It's Friday! Mom's here!" It's such a joy. Joint custody lends to a strange lifestyle. I'm a single mom for half of the week and just single the other half. I don't know how this half a week parenting is going to work out for the kids. I am so excited to see them and have them on my days off, so we always plan something fun. I do all of my chores, tasks, and errands on the days I don't have them. Makes for spoiled kids in a way. I don't think most kids get a rockin' good time with undivided attention from their mom for 2 and a half days straight. It's just very difficult to want to do any daily routine work when I have them for such a short time.

They are still out cold from last night and I don't want to wake them.We're going to Mt. Charleston today...on an adventure! That's what Porter called it. Then Lane said we could hunt down animals, kill them, and cook them for dinner. Uhhh...not this Mama. I told him he would have to go with Uncle Kris sometime to do that.

On the way home last night, the twins were talking about bungee jumping. Lane asked what that was and then said he wanted to do it. The three of us were all, "No way!" We'll have to watch. Actually, I don't think I could even do that. I still remember being in college with Vicki. We were in a gym parking lot and they had a bungee jumping thing going on in the parking lot. We looked at the person that was going and said, "Isn't that Ron (Taylor)?" Sure was. And a few years later, she married him. I don't think there was a correlation.

What's new...

I was going back on my blog with the kids and reading about things they had done. We laughed about the funny things they said and the cute pictures of them as toddlers. I realize I haven’t written much about them—or at least as much as I used to. I know this last year has been really hard and has been a major adjustment for them. I can’t believe how many things I would have forgotten if I had not written them down.

I need to write more so that the memories of their childhood will not be lost. Not so much for them, as for me. I love to go back and reminisce and have my mind refreshed of all of the precious things they do as children.

The kids are more than half way through first grade. I know every parent says this a million times—but time flies by!!! Porter has really flourished this year and is excelling in school. He loves other kids and especially his teacher. He said he knows she’s a mom because she calls the kids “baby,” “honey,” and “sweetie.” He adores her and often makes her cards or letters. 

Madison has been struggling quite a bit with the divorce. It has hit her hardest this last year. I’ve talked to her a lot about it and she opens up. I’ve read the effects that divorce can have on children. She has most of the symptoms. But talking to her has helped her recognize that these are external issues that are not her fault. I spoke with her teacher last week because I have been concerned about her academic progress and her ability to deal with all of her emotions and insecurities. Her teacher told me she said, “I heard that kids of divorce sometimes have a hard time in school.”

The teacher recommended she attend a class the school counselor has during school hours. Kids of divorce meet in the group and read stories or talk about how they feel. It’s called Banana Splits. When I told Madison about it and asked if she wanted to go she said, “Yes mom. I really want to go. I think it would help a lot.” I’m glad she is very aware of how she is being affected and recognizes she needs help. I asked Porter if he wanted to attend and he said, “No. I don’t really need help with the divorce. It doesn’t affect me like it has Madi.” 

He is such a wise little man. He still hates to go to sleep and on weekends he usually stays up late. I’m amazed at how he can still wake up early and go through the day without being tired. Often I am falling asleep before he does. After the other two kids go to sleep he’ll cuddle up next to me and talk. It’s the best time to actually have a conversation with him. He rarely does that when he has the other two around. I am seriously amazed by that little boy and how much of a grasp of life he has already. He is so mature. 

Last night I asked him how he was doing with the divorce. He said it doesn’t really bother him. I asked why he thinks Lane and Madi have a hard time. He said, “Well, Madi is really sensitive and Lane is just little.” I said, “Maybe you can help them out since it’s easier for you.” He said, “We hear a lot of bad things about you and sometimes it’s hard to decide if it’s true or not.” He said, “I used to believe a lot of it, but now I just think about it and decide for myself.” Wow! He said, “I think they don’t know who to believe anymore.” 

Some of the things being said are not worth repeating. All of the things the kids tell me do hurt, but not me so much. Just the things being said are emotional disparaging to my kids. I try very hard to say positive and uplifting things about the people they are with when they are not with me. I know they are loved by them and that’s what is most important. I believe it’s unnecessary and so damaging to the kids. It is hardest not to react when they tell me what is said. I want to be angry and say all of the bad things I know, but the self-satisfying venting will do nothing good. I know that uplifting and speaking kindly of their Dad builds their self-esteem.  I just tell myself that someday they will grow up and be able to see things for what they were. I want them to remember that I never spoke unkind and that I didn’t say things that would hurt them.

The boys have wanted Skylander ever since they were introduced to it by their cousin, Krew. I told them if they do chores, they can earn money. I tried giving them assigned rooms, but it never worked very well. I think it was too much for them to do. Not really as far as the work, just mentally they didn’t know where to start. I came up with a chart that has a picture of the chore and then I put points by it. For example, clean the toilet, clean the bathroom mirror, or sweep and mop the kitchen floor. I give them small decorative stones for each point. They can turn them in for money at the end of the night.

Porter talked Lane into combining stones so they could buy Skylander together.  Porter also quickly looked at the chart and found the chores that had the highest points. He always does those first. Madi wasn’t really interested until I encouraged her to think of something she wanted and something she would want to save her money to buy. She decided she wants to get her ears pierced and she has suddenly become very interested in the chore chart. Lane is half-hearted about chores. He’s mostly prodded to do something by Porter so that Porter can add his stones with his. I just have to save up for a game station now!

Porter has also had such a high aptitude when it comes to the phone and the computer. He can do so much on it. I never would have guessed he would have been so smart. Lane adores his older brother and thinks he’s the greatest. Those two are best buddies. Lane is content to watch Porter play on the phone or the computer. Lane is a little on the lazy side and pretends not to hear me when he doesn’t want to do what I’ve told him. He is still the best little cuddle buddy and says the sweetest things to me. He still wants to marry me when he grows up. I keep telling the boys they have to cuddle with me even they grow up. They promise that they will.

In one of our late night talks, Porter told me how much he loves girls. I thought, oh no! I asked him if he was going to have a girlfriend when he grows up. He said, “Yeah, when I’m a teenager I will.” I said are you going to kiss her? He said, “No I just want to hug her.” I said, “Why do you like girls so much? You have a crush on your teacher too.” He said, “Because mom, girls remind me of you.” 

I adore them so much. I only wish they could have more of a normal life--one with a house, their own rooms, and one where they didn’t have to spend time between three different homes. I don’t know how I can make things better for them. I just pray for the best to happen and that they will be okay in their dysfunctional world. 

I have wanted to do cool things for them and they love Austin and Ally on Disney. Austin, his real name is Ross Lynch, is one of their favorite singers. He and his siblings have a band called R5. There is a concert in Phoenix and so I am taking them to that. They are so excited about it. It’s been a struggle to save, but I figured it would be a great memory for them and something they would really enjoy. The twins told me that they have been telling all of their friends at school. That makes the financial pain a little easier. In my pre-mom life I have always had a hard time spending money. Especially on fun things or things that seem frivolous. This has been hard for me—the saving part is easy—it’s just spending money.

I have been slowly getting needed repairs completed on my car. Last Saturday we took the car in and waited. It was almost three hours. We got the alignment done and the tires rotated. This week I was going to get the air conditioning fixed, but ended up with another problem. My right front axle was wearing down. I opted to fix that and put off the car a/c for another week. I so want to have that this summer. 

We rode the bus and it was cold and windy. Because it was Saturday, we had to wait for some of the busses. I think they were bussed out after the day. At one stop, Madison asked a lady if she was poor. I tried to ignore it, hoping no one would notice. But, she said it again. I was so embarrassed. I told her it was not polite to ask people if they were poor. I love my kids!

Porter for President

I have been so frustrated with haircuts in Las Vegas. Every place I have gone and taken the kids, we don’t have very good luck. I finally decided to take them to Paul Mitchell the School in Henderson. It’s a long drive, but I knew it would be worth it. And…it totally was. My boys finally have decent haircuts and my hair is actually even instead of choppy. But, that’s not the story.

The boys have wanted Skylanders since their cousin Krew introduced them to the game. We don’t even have a game system. But, Porter has been obsessed with earning money to buy the starter kit. I’m really proud of him that he decided to try to earn the money instead of trying to beg for it. He recruited Lane into buying half. I give them a dollar a day during the time they are with me for doing their chores. They only get $3 a week. I told them it would take 3 months to earn it—the equivalent of 12 church days. (They understand that time currency.)

On the way to Paul Mitchell, Porter said Mom we need to find something to sell so we can earn money. I said like what? He said, I don’t know maybe cupcakes or something. Can we do that? I said actually no. There are health regulations, business licenses, and you need a permit. He said oh a permit—like you have to have a permit to own a gun. I said yeah, kinda like that. Then he said, “I think I want to be President. I can change all of the rules. I really want to do something that will change the world.” 

We went in for the haircuts and the girls thought they were so adorable. They were literally gushing over Lane and Porter’s cuteness. I don’t blame them. When Porter was finished he said I have to come back to that girl again. She did a really good job. I told her I was going to and she made me pinky promise. The girl came over to tell him goodbye and give him a hug. He told her was going to be President someday and he was going to change the world. (More gushing from her). He asked her if she would vote for him. She said yes and she would also cut his hair when he was President. 

When she left, he said well I got my first vote. I am so amazed at this generation of children—and not just mine. They have information and technology like never before. It will be inspiring to see if this is the chosen generation that will indeed change the world. On a side not, the boys did not do chores one day this weekend and did not get their $1/day. Hopefully, they will learn they can't get something without working for it. This is not a socialist household.

You Really Should Read This

Self-help is awesome. You can buy a book for twenty bucks and solve a lot of your problems. It’s so much cheaper than therapy. I have read many a book from the library shelves of self-help. I should be completely, mentally whole by now. Is it a bad sign if someone actually buys you self-help books and sends them to you? I mean, it’s not really self-help after that. It’s like assisted self-help. Or, maybe it’s an intervention. 

While putting them on top of my stack of self-help books, I see my copy of “Co-dependent No More.”  Maybe I’ll send that one back to my donor as a thank you. At least it’s not as bad as the time some co-workers anonymously gave a girl deodorant. That was definitely assisted self-help.

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To my BFF: You know I love you more than dirt, Weezer! And, thanks for being my material all of the time. You are a brilliant co-star in my life. (Or, am I your co-star. Hmmm….let’s just be Thelma and Louise.) Thanks for the books too. I really do like them and darn you for spending more money on me. P.S. Happy 25^th! Anniversary. We met in February of 1988—and after overcoming our initial disdain for each other, we’ve been best friends since. Can’t believe we’re on our way to three decades of friendship. The retirement home gets closer every day!