Why is it that I have a tendency to laugh when things go wrong? I’m surprised it hasn’t gotten me into more trouble. I pulled out of a parking lot onto the street–cautiously I might add–and apparently pulled in front of someone who did not want me there. I’ll argue I had plenty of time to reach the appropriate speed before she came roaring up behind me and that she was going much faster than she should have and immediately laid on the horn. She jerked to the left (which was completely unnecessary and overdramatic) and then continued to weave around a car in the left lane and pull back in front of me. Apparently, a great multi-tasker, she was still able to do this while still and honking. It appears that she also has some familiarity with sign language, as she was able to convey to me her dissatisfaction with my actions through one single hand gesture.
This is my favorite part about road ragers. They are driving like maniacs and then for all of their urgency, they will end up at the same light; and conveniently next to you. This made me smile as I tend to calm down in stressful situations. She still wanted to sign to me and when she did, I looked over at her with a smile. When I saw a frumpy, middle-aged woman with bleach blonde hair who looked like she was late for an appointment with the drive-thru I couldn’t help it. I really tried hard not to giggle, but I just could not stop it.
About 22 years ago, I had the a similar incident happen with my sister Vicki. We were on our way to see our sister, Dona, in Ogden where she had just given birth to the first grandchild. I don’t know why we were driving so late, but I believe it was after midnight. There weren’t many cars on the road and we were punch-drunk tired. The two of us have a tendency to over-giggle when we get together anyway. We still do.
This particular night, Vicki was driving and due to the low amount of traffic and, and, and…okay, who am I kidding? It had nothing to do with the low traffic, I just decided to play a joke on her. We approached an intersection and she stopped as the light was red. She wasn’t paying attention and after a few seconds, I said, “Go. It’s green.” (Of course there were no cars coming. Yes, I was a mindless teenager, but had at least taken that into consideration.) She punched the gas and went through the light. Halfway through as I was laughing she realized what I had done and started laughing too. In the car next to us were some wicked, hardcore Ogden girls with four inch bangs and bad perms. I guess our lawlessness upset them and they decided to pull up next to us, roll down their window and yell.
We looked at each and started laughing. They got madder. We laughed more. But, they wouldn’t leave our side. I convinced Vicki to perform another illegal maneuver and she raced around a car positioning them behind us and blocked from passing. Then the laughter machine started up again. They managed to make their way to our side again. I told Vicki I think they want to fight us, which brought peals of more laughter. I said seriously, we better stop laughing. But the thought of two little small-town girls on their way to a hospital to see their first niece getting hounded by Ogden gang girls just seemed so hilarious.
After contemplating our demise, I said why don’t we just pull over. She said what if they do something. I said they’re doing something right now. I’m a competent negotiator and figured we could all talk and go have a cupcake together. Ironically, the confrontation ended when we pulled into a small parking lot and they kept going. I think we were somewhat relieved, but couldn’t help trash talking them as they drove away. It was something like, who’s tough now? That’s right, we’re not scared. We straightened our leg warmers and drove to the hospital.
I realize people like road ragers have their own issues if they choose to get that angry and belligerent. When I first looked at the lady “signing” me, I wondered if she had ever been to Ogden. I kind of did want to follow her and say look I’m a really nice person. I’m sorry if you thought I pulled out in front of you, but I believe you were driving above the speed limit. Then I realized people have their own demons and probably have more troubling lives than I do. She was going to have to learn to be happy by herself and without my kind instructions on how to do it. Besides, I didn’t have my sister with me to back me up this time. Have a nice day, angry lady. I hope your life gets better.
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