Happy Birthday to our Angel Ari

At bedtime, my kids love to hear stories. I always tell them stories about me growing up or different people in my family. They love it and it gives me a chance to share their family history. Tonight, we told stories about Arianna Lane, my niece who passed away from cancer when she was three. I was surprised by how much they remembered. Today she would have turned 5.

One of the hardest questions I have ever been asked in my life was when my brother (her dad) called me shortly after she had passed. He asked, "Will you give Ari's eulogy?" My heart sank and I wanted to say I'll do anything but that. But I couldn't. Of course I said yes, but had no idea what to say or how to honor a three year old. I sincerely believe that Ari inspired me to write what I wrote. I know it didn't come from me. There is so much I could say about this. So many lessons to glean from her parents, her siblings, and her life. She touched a lot of people. Her full life journey is documented at www.prayforari.blogspot.com. I just wanted to share her eulogy, which is what I think is really a letter from her.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

It’s me, Ari. My journey on Earth began in Washington, UT on October 26, 2007 where I was born at home. I loved a good joke from the day I was born and I thought it was so funny I had convinced you both that I was a boy. During your pregnancy, you thought I was a boy. And when I was born, I remember you and Dad kept saying that I looked exactly like my brother, Taylor. I just smiled when the midwife surprised you by telling you I was a girl. I was so happy to be here to receive my earthly body and to live my life so that I would return once again to my Father in Heaven. I still remember you holding me that day, and telling me I was too precious for this world. My birth was peaceful and painless for you, Mom. I knew that we would have plenty of pain in the future. It has been an incredible journey. I was so lucky to have lived the life I did.

Mom…Mother…those are very sacred words to a child. I learned just how special a mother is very early on. But I had no idea just how special my mother would be in my life. We shared something so amazing, so wonderful, I don’t even think it was of this world. You were my Mom, my friend, my sister, my protector…Mom, you were everything to me in my short life that I lived. I can’t even begin to thank you enough for how much of your life you sacrificed for me. I learned so much from you. 

Mom, you were the first one that sensed something was wrong with me. Even when I was a baby, I remember how many pictures you took of me. Your spirit somehow sensed that my time here would be very short. Just like so many things, your intuition was right. I can’t even begin to name the many acts of selfishness you did for me, Mom. I first started getting what everyone thought was cradle cap when I was just 16 months old. That was the beginning of the disease that would shorten my time on earth.

On 4^th of July weekend I woke up in the middle of the night incredibly thirsty. It seemed like after that, I just couldn’t get enough water. By September, I was drinking 2 gallons of water a day. My condition started to rapidly deteriorate. That was the first time I ended up in Primary Children’s hospital. The doctors said I had 3 days to live. They started aggressive chemotherapy in the hopes of saving me. That would be the first of many times, I would be close to death. The rest of my life, from that point forward, was spent in and out of Primary Children’s Hospital—mostly in and not enough out.

I cannot imagine how terrifying it must be to be a parent and to learn that your child may die. I had a feeling my condition was serious, but the one thing I admired most about you, Mom and Dad, was that you never got sad or upset. In fact, Dad, you were always joking with the nurses and doctors and trying to cheer everyone else up. I think they thought you were crazy because you didn’t get sad. But they don’t know what I know—that I have the most amazing parents—who through life’s greatest trials had peace in their hearts, a love for the Savior, and a desire to be happy even if it was just to let me know everything was going to be okay.

I remember another time I came close to death. My heart rate jumped to 228 beats per minute. My blood pressure was 42/14. Dad was right by my side as they rushed me to ICU. He kept asking me what I was mumbling, but I didn’t want to stop what I was saying. He finally figured out I was praying when he heard me say, “In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.” I prayed because that is what you taught me to do by word and deed.

I know you both always said I was such a fighter—and I was—I got that from both of you. You guys are pretty tough. Mom, remember when you decided to run a marathon even when you had spent the last two months lying in bed with me? You went with the intention of running only 8 or 10 miles, but you ended up finishing. I know you said it was because you kept thinking about how much pain I had endured and that you kept going because you knew you couldn’t complain about pain. I was so proud of you. Who’s Mom does that? My Mom, that’s who—because you are amazing, Mom.

Dad, I am so grateful that you were so funny all of the time. You could always make me laugh and that’s what I usually needed the most. My favorite video was what I called my “Daddy” movie. It was just a home video but it showed you doing so many funny things. I watched it over and over and laughed every time. I really am your biggest fan, Dad.

I can’t forget my brother or any of my sisters either. What a great family I came to. Kaley has been like a second Mother to me. I know I needed so much care that I actually needed a second Mom. Kaley, you were the best big sister a little girl could have asked for. You took such good care of me. I really trusted you, Kaley. You always tried to make sure I was having fun. You are such a great example to me and you have so many talents.

Taylor, you’re the best brother I have and you were my protector. You would always make sure I was safe and if you thought someone was being mean or going to cause me pain, you were the first person to my aid.

Alaina, my dear sweet sister, you were willing to give your life for me. When Mom and Dad had everyone tested for bone marrow so that I could have a transplant you thought you won the lottery because you were the only match. You didn’t care about the pain or the sacrifice. I was so touched when you told someone you were going to die so that I could have all of your bones and blood. You really were willing to give me your life so that I could live.

My little darling sister, Lilly. You are a special blessing to our family at this time. When Mom was pregnant with you, she would still stay in bed and hold me. I feel so close to you even though our lives on earth did not overlap much. You have such a sparkling personality and are so happy, I am so glad you have come at this time. You will be such a help to Mom and she will have you to dote on.

Mom and Dad, my journey on Earth was amazing. I know it was filled with a lot of pain, but I hope you don’t remember that because it was also filled with much joy and happiness. There are so many lessons I learned and I know you have too. I learned to love the Savior and have so much respect for His mission on Earth. He was with me throughout so much of my suffering. I know this without a doubt. I didn’t come here with the purpose to change people’s lives, I just wanted to be obedient and return to my Father in Heaven someday.

Mom, I know you’re hurting. I wish I could be there like you were there for me when I hurt so bad. I can’t hug you or hold you right now, but I know that Dad gives the best hugs in the world. And, that when he holds you, everything in the world seems right. He held me a lot when I was on Earth. So when you’re sad, just hug Daddy for me and I promise I’ll be there in every hug he gives you.

Dad, you’re amazing. You have always been so kind and patient. When I was in the hospital, you always had a smile on your face and tried to make everyone laugh. Your sense of humor and good attitude got me through a lot. No matter how much pain I was in, I knew you were there. You are so strong and I know you hurt when you couldn’t help me and I would cry out for you. But, I want you to know you helped me in so many ways. I am so proud that you were my Daddy.

Dad, I remember our trips to the gas station. You would buy me a baby coke and gummi bears. I really just liked to go out and spend time with my dad. When I got really sick I didn’t like to eat much, but you did and you would always take me with you. You would even let me order food even though you knew I was never going to eat it. I just had fun being with you and watching you eat.

Mom and Dad, I don’t want you to have any regrets. You did more than enough for me. You sacrificed so much and I learned so much when I was with you. All of us grew in our strength and testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ. Towards the end of my life, I kept hanging on. I wanted to go when you were ready for me to go. I don’t regret one minute of my life. I know that as you both knelt down and prayed in the hospital to let me go, that the Lord was with you. I know that my time on earth was up and that it was time for me to return to my Heavenly home.

I passed to the next life on January 23, 2011 at 9:20 pm while my mother held me in her arms and kept her hand over my heart until it quit beating. I came into this world with both of my parents anxiously awaiting my arrival…and I left peacefully with both of you there so say goodbye.

I cannot describe in words how much I love my family. I may not continue with you on Earth, but I promise each of you, I will be the first one waiting to greet you when it is your time to come. I will never be far away. I love you, Mom and Dad.

Love your daughter,

Arianna